When I was a kid I wanted nothing but to get to my teenage years.
I wish I didn’t rush growing up.
Now it feels like a chore to just get out of bed in the morning. I still go to bed hoping I don’t wake up the next morning. I would love to go back to those childhood days when everything was okay.
I sometimes wish this was all just a dream. I’m tired of being where I am now, but I can’t go to anyone for help or I’ll be told I am only seeking attention.
I tried calling for help, and yet no one listened.
All my friends told me we’re too young to have serious feelings while my family told me that I’m just faking it.
“You’re too young to be depressed”
“You’re too young to have anxiety”
“You’re too young to be suicidal”
Yes because that cleared my head of these hateful thoughts.
Because that cleared my head of my overthinking mind
Because that totally cleared my head of my suicidal thoughts.
I’ll never understand my family or friends reasoning behind telling me I’m too young for my feelings.
I’ll never understand the hateful things some people say to me.
I’ll never understand what I did to make everyone hate me so much.
I’ll never understand how I’m gonna fix whatever I did wrong.
But right now I am just numb to all feeling.
It’s like nothing brings me any sort of feeling.
I’m just there, and not changing the lives of anyone.
Everything I do feels like a chore.
I panic I’m not getting enough done, but I don’t have the motivation to actually do anything.
I don’t even find joy in the things that made me so happy in the past.
Everything is just this feeling of numbness;
I’m drowning while everyone else around me is breathing,
but no matter what I do people will give some lame excuse on why my feelings are invalid.
I’ve never wanted anything other than acceptance,
Love,
And happiness.
So younger me, answer this:
Is being a teenager all you hoped it would be?
4 comments
Feelings (imo) don’t have an age limit or restriction.
I like your post, cause as of now my teenage years seem like another time, i still remember how i felt in those days.
That’s what makes me laugh about some people as they get older. Do they really not remember how confusing and fucked up things were when they were growing up?
Or have they trained their brain to ruthlessly surpress those memories?
When i was growing up, i remember this film i watched (still watch it from time to time nowadays) called ‘pump up the volume’ which stars Christian Slater as a pirate radio dj. In this film he broadcasts his thoughts and feelings to the disaffected youth in the Town.
At one point during the film he say’s this “Sometimes being a teenager is worse than being dead.”
The film may be a little dated now and has some corny moments, but the film itself still humorously deals with all these themes such as lonliness and suicide.
I would recommend watching it, if you have got a spare 90mins. It might help you a little mate.
So true, I regret rushing through my childhood, when I was young all I wanted was to be an adult. I thought it would be so awesome, in my mind I thought I could do anything, be anything… oh how stupid I was. If I could travel back in time I’d smack the shit out of myself. Now everyday I go to bed I hope I just end up dying in my sleep.
Plus, honestly I hate it when someone says, “You’re to young to be depressed” or “You haven’t lived long enough yet to fully understand life”. Pisses me off, depression is depression. Some people will never have it and some people will have it forever yet somehow everyone I talk to is an ‘expert’ on depression as if they know exactly what to do to make you feel better with their pathetic simple “solutions” that don’t do anything but make it worse.
I relate to this so much. I remember wanting nothing more than to grow up, but it turns out that being a teenager isn’t as rosy and nice as they made it seem. You’re not a child anymore. You’re not allowed to have tantrums or cry or tell people your honest-to-god feelings. But you’re also not an adult and they’ll you that you know nothing of love, or pain, or anger, or sadness. They’ll tell you that you’re too young to know what you feel. But they’re not the ones who wake up wishing they didn’t each morning. What validates their opinion?
As someone who has been there, and perhaps is still in your situation, there is no easy way out of this. Getting out of bed is a struggle. It’s a constant battle between not doing enough and not wanting to do anything. It’s hard and there’s no way around it. But the only way out of this is to grit your teeth and get through just a few more years. Find an anchor, someone or something to ground yourself to. And most importantly, don’t force yourself. The single most important thing I’ve learnt is that its OKAY to be late on an assignment if it means taking care of your mental health. It’s okay to ditch a sports practice because you really didn’t want to go, and not feel guilty about it. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes.