I just saw my psychologist, and eventually told her how close I had come on Saturday night. That I had sat on the bannister in my house, with the noose around my neck. As expected she immediately exclaimed that I need to go to hospital. I emphatically said no, that I didn’t believe it would help. I managed to convince her that I’ll be safe until Wednesday when I see my psychiatrist.
It’s really only because she knows me so well, and there is extraordinary trust between us that she didn’t force me to go into hospital. She said with any other patient she would have insisted. So it’s good that I was honest with her, because she cannot really help me if I’m not open. I’m not sure I will tell my psychiatrist. I think he wouldn’t let me go.
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You’ve taken an important step forward, I’m proud of you. It’s good that you were honest with your psychologist and I’m glad that you stood your ground with regards not wanting to go to hospital. There’ll still be hurdles in the short term but I think you’re now travelling a better road than you were yesterday.
How are you feeling today?
Still very low. Sad, full if emotional pain. Just going through the motions. Last night I was agains so tempted to do it, but I promised to my psychologist I wouldn’t (at least until tomorrow when I see my psychiatrist), and I respect her too much to break that promise.
Our session came pretty much down to that we disagree whether there is hope.
I believe that my last recovery was 100% due to medication. Sure I then also was able to turn around my thinking and behaviour, but the crucial thing was the medication.
She attributes much more to my thinking and behaviour.
The consequence is that she argues I can do it again (recover), because I’ve done it before, and I don’t, because I believe my medication has stopped working. And even if let’s say an increase in dose will fix things for now, this will happen again and again until there is nowhere to go medication wise.
It’s only been about 4 months since my last recovery, that’s much shorter than my previous cycle. Until now I’ve had on average one severe episode per year.
Time for another opinion? Change psychiatrists?
I hate this quote (and hate myself for quoting it) but “insanity is defined as doing the same thing repeatedly, yet expecting a different result”).
Okay. I’m an ass. But I’m rooting for you.
I’m not a fan of medication, but i understand it does help some people.
Thanks for rooting for me, it means a lot.
I am very happy with my psychiatrist. He is really good, takes a lot of time to listen, and does always look at the whole picture, not just medication.
Just a suggestion. Glad you’re with us. You sound better .
You’ve been very supportive. How are you travelling?