i feel like this is kind of my parents’ fault. i don’t think they’re awful, by a long shot, but they raised me in a way that left me brewing bathtubs of fear in my stomach. fear that i won’t even be able to survive in this world, because i’m not smart, capable, or willful enough to get what i want. they seem to think maybe i will just end up working at a fast food restaurant and definitely not the Manhattan ad-woman i want to be.
but minimum wage is not living. (no offense intended, although i don’t really know how to frame this in an inoffensive way and frankly i barely give a fuck) i will not stand for it. i will not stand to be stripped of everything. the only thing keeping me alive is the possibility of maybe getting to be in the city i love, ruling a massive apartment with men at my heel and walk in closets full of designer handbags. it is my foolish lifeblood and as unrealistic as i know inside it is, i need that image to wrap my hand around and grasp or else i would already be dead and gone.
increasingly it is disappearing, that goal. my logic is breaking in. and i am wanting to die sooner, sooner, and RIGHT NOW.
6 comments
“ruling a massive apartment with men at my heel and walk in closets full of designer handbags”
Fucking love this comment 🙂
please don’t take this the wrong way, but when i read this, i thought of an old eddie murphy film called “Boomerang” The actress Grace jones is in it, and i could imagine you like her dominating the men around her lol
I didn’t mean this comment to be offensive, you made me lol. thanks for that 🙂
haha, it’s not offensive at all! i’ll have to check that movie out 🙂
Yeah, I wish my parents hadn’t sheltered me when I was little, I wish they had exposed me to the cruel world then maybe I may have had time to adapt to it. But all my life I was told how easy it would be, how loving the world was when I was a kid. Unicorns and rainbows then I grew up and took the sheets off my head to realize how wrong I was. Now all the sudden I’m supposed to be socially active and acceptable and have a job and go to school and have a girlfriend and have a home and have a bunch of friends all while watching sports and talking about politics, it’s overwhelming. You are right, the only thing keeping me from blowing my head off is that stupid day dream of maybe actually getting that apartment in the city that I want all while being left alone. The problem is as you said, minimum wage is NOT living. It’s barely even surviving. I won’t accept it I’d rather die then work as a wage slave begging for scraps just to break even.
exactly. i can’t live by just barely scraping by– death is much more preferable to being at the bottom.
Bingo. Plus I can barely do anything social because of how awkward I am not to mention my low confidence. Working minimum wage is below humiliating, I honestly don’t know how these people can work at places like mcdonalds or any low wage place without blowing their heads off everyday.
Maybe because blowing your head off would be one and done? (Sorry, I have no filter any longer).