My life is a mistake; I should never have been born. I’ve never regretted a decision I made till about a decade ago, and now all I seem to be doing is making mistakes upon mistakes. It’s not just the mistakes I’ve made- it’s that I seem to keep making them (most of them stem from inaction from being depressed and not feeling I’m good enough). And then the feeling like shit that I made x, y, z mistake.
So….what to do? I feel like shit. Then I mess my life up, and I feel more shitty. Then I make more mistakes. The cycle continues.
I wish I was one of those assholes who are super conceited and vain, who think they’re the shit, who think they’re all that. I hate those people because they’re assholes. But they’re happy assholes. They’re happy and they don’t worry about shit. I wanna be happy, not worry about everything, and not feel like shit about myself.
I wish I could simply erase my existence.
11 comments
A lot of those people are covering up a huge insecurity… they just project an aura of “I’m better than you” because they need/want to be sure that they are.
You are a smart lady, I know you have pain. I think you could find something that jives well with you though. Maybe you just need to figure out what you enjoy now. Maybe you’ve changed so much, lost so much, that what once entertained/inspired/stimulated you doesn’t anymore? I don’t know… just rambling
I feel guilt when someone is hurting.
Cycle is continiouning yes…
Pff. I’m so sorry I can’t give you better answers.
I miss so many people from here.
Listening to Miles Davis right now.
Your life isn’t a mistake.
My life is a mistake- I never wanted to be born, never wanted to be on this stupid Earth and suffer.
It’s okay to make mistakes, even if it doesn’t feel that way. And you’re not alone in feeling like the mistakes are consuming you – that’s what depression will do to you. I often feel my whole life is one big mistake, that I’m a complete failure in every way.
yeah but these mistakes have HUGE life-long consequences 🙁
I don’t feel like i’ve been a failure my ENTIRE life- just the last decade. I never felt like those decisions I made in my earlier life were giant mistakes to mull over and haunt me- that’s “only” been the last 10+ years.
Sorry to hear of how hard you were hit hard by the past decade. Some failures are definitely way harder to recover from than others. The really painful ones can take years to bounce back from, crushing us, sending us into negative thought spirals, coloring our world, effecting our present choices. Not to mention that things are always so much easier to see in hindsight – making it easy for us to beat ourselves up about a past we just weren’t able to fully anticipate at the time. I hope you find a way to make some peace with it. Some mistakes take a whole lot of self-forgiveness and compassion, especially when we find ourselves stuck in a pattern of repeating them, like you shared. I don’t know what your situation is, but I feel for you, from what you’ve described. I’ve personally wasted years of my life dealing with addiction, and I know how difficult those kids of cycles can get.
eternaldarkness,
Ah mistakes! first off who doesn’t make them? I make them all the time, life is about making mistakes it goes with the territory. The only thing we can do is try to learn from them and not make the same mistake over and over, you will always make mistakes that’s the way it goes.
How about trying to forgive yourself for some of your mistakes? I can’t think of any mistake that’s too big to be forgiven for. And the lack of productivity due to feeling depressed, you are not alone.
If you got dressed, brushed your teeth, and ate something today, u were probably MORE productive than 1/2 reading this.
keep the hate!
“Err
and err
and err again,
but less
and less
and less.”
— Piet Hein