Suicide. Such a lovely topic, isn’t it? The title of this post is what I hear every time I say I’m suicidal. But I have a question.. I have had the same issues since I was a small child, and they are only getting worse. Every night I lay down, and I dream about picking up the loaded gun that sits on my bedside table and ending it all, once and for all. But I am terrified of a few things. Not of dying. Not of possible pain. But of the pain it would cause others. Or the possibility that someone, in the future, might need me. But the I ask myself, when am I going to stop living for other people and putting everyone else first. I know people say suicide isn’t the answer, but I don’t know what else to do. Yes, I have a lot going for me. I will be valedictorian of my graduating class of 2018, I will be going to Trade School for Automotive and Diesel Mechanics. So, I do have a future. But will this future stop the voices in my head, or the things I see that aren’t really there, or my father constantly hunting for me, waiting until the time to strike? These problems do not get solved with time. They aren’t “Temporary Problems” so what would be the solution. Yes, medication would be one, but I don’t want to live my life walking through a haze of pills and numbness. Yes, a retraining order would most definitely help. Oh wait, there already is one. Still doesn’t work. So. Suicide. Is it my only solution to break free of the chains and shackles that is my past, present and possibly future?