Afraid to do What I Need to

I’m an 18 year old female and I feel like I’ve hit the end of my road, I’ve come from a history of sexual and physical abuse and now I have no family that wants me, I’ve pushed most of my friends away and the rest will soon follow. I’m basically homeless and even though I work part time ( while studying full time) I’m finding it more and more difficult to get myself to work due to major depression and anxiety. I want to quit my job since I’ve been working there for 3 years and hate it but feel that this is not an option due to money troubles and others around me making me feel guilty for not working.
I’ve tried so much counselling/ psychology and medication but at the end of the day I just don’t feel that it’s working because I deserve to die and therefore cannot change the way I feel.
I feel so terrible for all the damage I’ve already caused to my friendships and the more I continue to live the worse it seems to get. People have begun to say they don’t think they can help me and I feel completely hopeless.
I feel that the only thing I can do is end my life but I’m so afraid of the pain and there’s is a slight part of me afraid of missing out on life even though I am sure this is the right thing to do. I plan to overdose, hopefully by the end of next week but have failed twice before due to fear. Any advice or comments are appreciated