Conservative Christian Bullshitland

I’ve already unloaded a few times about this, since it happening a few hours ago. Yet this is an important part of my process that I haven’t discussed.

Disclaimer:Christianity and Rant within.

So they got me to go back to the church I grew up in. Of course you can never really go home again, but, as John Cusack says in Grosse Pointe Blank, “You can shop there.”

It’s a terrible church. If one ever finds oneself in my metropolitan area, I recommend the Non Denoms if one is into rich people who are full of themselves.

That is the reality of red state living. Christianity is thinly veiled racism and classism. I love attacking it so, and today I got to really get some of my own back. I should have been glad. Then I saw their faces, no one had ever told them what utter bullshit their entire economic class was built on. No one had ever told them how people in MY socio-economic class had been betrayed and murdered by their forebearers.

They especially didn’t like it when I pointed to the church they loved so much and told them what hypocrites they were. My own words echo in my ears,

“Who was it that said to take care of the sick, the poor, the elderly, the outsider and the widow? That sounds like Karl Marx or FDR, that can’t be Jesus, is it?” They sadly hung their heads and said it was indeed the Christ child whom they worship every Sunday in their multimillion dollar facility where the only black man in the entire church directs the choir. He is also a raging conservative.

Look, I have no problem with people who are self aware saying simply this, repeat it with me if you are an upper class twit who doesn’t care enough about the needs and problems of the working class and working poor. If one voted for trump I don’t care about class, say it any way because if someone votes for a twit, one is a twit. I myself need to say this more often:

“I am an upper class christian conservative twit. I know way too little about what poverty is. I have failed to be the whole man God made me to be. God told me to love the poor and be selfless. I have tried and failed to do that. Instead I focused on myself and others like me. Now poverty is worse, and the blame has to be taken somewhere. I’m sorry, and I will do better.”

It has occured to me that I am part of what they call sticky wealth, that is when one has more than two generations of being in the top 20th percentile. I have never known life outside of it, and I never can. I was literally bred to read everything in sight, search out impossible problems and hopeless causes, accumulate wealth and worst of all not share it. I have done all I can to share what I have, but as is I am tapped out.

I hate to be ashamed of the church I grew up in, and I hope that someday soon that will change. Either that or the church will die. In my town it’s grow or die. Grow or die=Adapt or die. I don’t think anyone reading this word will believe that Christians can be better, but they can. The jury is still out on Church Going Christians, and Methodists. The jury will be out from now until the end of time on Non Denoms(possible cults), non participators in the creed following community of Christianity(7th day Adventists, Mormons, Universalists, etc), and anyone else who is of the opinion that God does not love every single human being on this planet. Yes, sir, Mr secure job and future, I’m aware that one may not think of the poor as people. Yet they are. I know also that Democrats are not going to heaven in some books. That is okay. If heaven is full of conservatives Christians, and I have no place among them, God will take care of me when the time comes. Perhaps purgatory, since I have nothing to earn hell on a metaphysical level (spiritual clean slate), yet at the Golf Club that is heaven, I just don’t belong.

I don’t know where I belong anymore. Here is an obvious answer. I cried last night writing about losing my truck. Today we are talking about getting it fixed again, what a change in 24. I also got to float a river with a fellow Eagle Scout. He’s a smart kid too, reminds me a bit of myself at that age (too smart, not enough direction, yet an amazing drive that I didn’t have at his age), worse still he has access to a free college degree, a thing that life got in the way of.

Look, I wrote everything before this last night. I’m still pretty dag burned disillusioned with the church at large (meaning as a governing body of people mostly ungoverned and which refuses to admit to being a represented body). God however, is a different story entirely. He made me cry three times this morning.

I also wanted to say I ain’t preachin here. Believe what you want to. I actually support not believing in God as a viable option for avoiding the church. It’s hard, see my beliefs for that. I can’t convince myself… just because I’m displeased from time to time doesn’t change the facts. I’m not writing much more today, but I will read every reply and respond, so check back tomorrow.