Anniversaries are tough. Everything reminds you. Have you talked to people who have been through the same thing? or a therapist to work through the mind-messing parts of it?
I tried to get it reported but I ended up freaking about the entire thing I was scared of letting him go to jail or going to court so I said something stupid and the college stopped believing me they were going to let me go to a rape crisis team but took that way from me so every single night before bed I can’t stop thinking about what happened and it hurts so bad because now it’s June and I started remembering how it took everything from me, I can’t think I can’t sleep/eat I just want to go
I know you do. But there are ways to deal with this that can help you get past it. This happens to a lot of women. A lot. It’s under reported a lot of the time exactly for the reasons that you hesitated. Colleges don’t want the hassle or the bad statistics. They ought to have called in the police to handle it properly.
Even so, I get you not wanting to report it. But don’t let him conquer your mind, too.
He goes to the same college as me and my friends go there so I can’t leave or anything and I have his friends constantly harassing me telling me I’m a liar and everything else they hate my guts he used to be the sweetest man used to be my friend and the only one who never turned their back on me no matter what everyone else had to say and it scares me why he did this to me im scared i just want to end it all and feel nothing nobody understands why it brings me down so much they tell me to let it go but i just cant i really cant
There’s nothing wrong with switching schools. You are going through hell every day.
When I was stalked at one college, I bailed. Wasn’t worth always looking over my shoulder. You DON’T have to live like this.
Do your parents know?
this college was the only one i felt comfortable with… for years ive been bullied all throughout my childhood and missed lots of education so when i came to this college before everything happened i felt like i had a chance in life this college means so much to me and i dont want to ever replace my friends as they live so far away its hard to ever see them elsewhere
my parents have known it hurts my dad a lot but he knows it cant go reported because of the stupid stuff i have said so i have now sabotaged myself and my parents have become very overprotective i love them so much but it doesnt stop the memories and the fear i cant even sleep i want to sleep so bad but i cant knowing ill probably dream of him again
Transferring out of a school is easier than applying to get in as a freshman.
Transferring out is a better option than being harassed on a daily basis.
Is there a woman’s collective on campus?
They will walk you around campus.
They will be a shield.
i screwed it up i got scared and kept saying “no, please don’t call the cops it was consental!” because i didnt want him to go to jail or to go to court because they tear you apart so badly
it wasnt consenual i know this so does him and it hurts so badly because i keep having memories and dreams about what happened over and over im an idiot a huge massive idiot ;~;
Wow! Saying that is a huge step. HUGE step!
So you made a decision and you’re having a hard time living with it.
You didn’t want the man who used to be your friend, who betrayed you, who is a rapist to get in trouble. Okay. It happens.
The issue with the friends mocking you is unacceptable. Since you don’t like taking the legal route restraining orders would be a stretch.
You have to tackle this in a way you can handle it, but you HAVE to address it. It is very difficult to do alone.
And let me just say this: YOU SURVIVED. HURRAY FOR YOU!! You survived. YOu are a survivor and you ARE going to make it through this.
Now, it’s a head game with yourself.
Forgive yourself EVERYTHING.
Forgive yourself that you didn’t see it coming.
Forgive yourself that you put yourself in harm’s way.
Forgive yourself for any self-accusation that says you gave him conflicting signals, or led him on, or are a tease, or any of the other lovely things men say about women.
Forgive yourself for previous sexual relationships and how that may have impacted this present situation.
He betrayed your trust.
He is a rapist.
No=NO!
So forgiving yourself is a very, very big step and people do not understand how necessary it is.
Forgiving yourself is the first step for taking back control of your own mind.
Forgiving yourself is the necessary before you can move past this place of pain.
It Was Not Your Fault.
You survived. You deserve a hug and a congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s not true.
You’re saying you’re not worth the effort.
That’s not true!
You are worth the effort.
You didn’t deserve it.
You deserve much better.
If you survived and then made a decision not to prosecute (also survival instinct, btw) then you are a survivor. You’re a pacifist, not a quitter. It takes strength to survive. It takes strength to fight and it takes strength not to fight.
You need to work on making him smaller, because he is a small, small creature and you need to build yourself up.
You can start right now.
@darkest days: you have farah’s email. mine is on your post if you go into the “there are 30 comments in your queue” and click on that and then go up to all approved comments, you’ll see it under my name.
I’ll be looking for your email if you want.
Right now you should call a friend, your parents, the Resident Assistant on your hall, crisis line.
You need to talk to someone, honey.
If not, Farah and I will be available via email.
There are triggers… smells, sounds, touches/feeling on your skin. Your body recognizes them, but your mind had detached during the actual trauma. Did you feel out of body?
I suck at this, but when feelings overwhelm me, the best I can do is go outside in nature, or run my hands under water, take a shower (warm or cold, depending on what feeling I think will pull me out of it). Watching something burn is always mesmerizing.
MUSIC (Don’t pick stuff that feeds the misery, unless you feel it actually helps you connect with it)
Sometimes breaking stuff is fun, but nothing that you will regret later.
Just hang on tight… there is more, you aren’t a victim or a survivor. You’re a god damn human being. You got this. Death is always an option, TRUST I have my emergency exits ALWAYS in sight. Just keep trying . Some seconds/moments/hours/days are good, some ok, some just plain suck and hurt so bad.
You’re ok. What you’re feeling is ok. Just breathe
You are not ruined or anything… I struggle with this, I have for a very long time.
You are a human being and things happened. It hurts and I’m not minimalist for it… it fucking sucks. Just focus on yourself. What do you want for yourself?
just wait awhile longer the world will come to an end by man or god we are very over due.
prepare and strike when it happens and get revenge, and btw embrace the hate!
it’s a shame none of the people I know in person are here for me during a time like this, most days they just seem to read my messages and flat out ignore me… i must consider myself fortunate that i found you guys, because last night i weren’t with it at all…
it’s unfortunate that people tend to run away
from those who are suffering or in pain
as if by helping them
or even talking to them
they are risking being “infected” by sadness or pain
when it’s actually the complete opposite
there could be nothing more meaningful
& valuable in a person’s day / life
than helping someone & soothing their pain
it takes effort & time
sure,
but when you see this person is getting better & smiling again
because of you
nothing in the world could compare
having said that
it’s me who’s fortunate 🙂
to have had that chance & that honor
to listen to you & help you go through this
even if it’s one tiny step through
if only other were so sweet (‘: i personally feel that no matter what a person goes through, no matter how big or small i will always be there – that no matter how dark they feel on the inside, i’d sit beside them
Glad you came back to check in!
Please don’t feel alone in this.
There are a lot of different approaches to getting past this and I’m glad you’re starting the journey!
I believe in you! You reached out and that is huge! Hugs.
I am so sorry to hear this happened to you BUT don’t give him the power. You are strong. You will make it. Take that feeling and use it to help others. You would be amazed how much helping someone else helps yourself heal. Good luck to you
72 comments
🙁
I’m right here honey…
let’s talk?
what’s going on…?
That’s a nightmare. How long ago did this happen?
Last year sometime during late May…………..
Anniversaries are tough. Everything reminds you. Have you talked to people who have been through the same thing? or a therapist to work through the mind-messing parts of it?
I don’t think anything can help me
… can we talk about what happened honey ?
do u wanna talk about it?
I tried to get it reported but I ended up freaking about the entire thing I was scared of letting him go to jail or going to court so I said something stupid and the college stopped believing me they were going to let me go to a rape crisis team but took that way from me so every single night before bed I can’t stop thinking about what happened and it hurts so bad because now it’s June and I started remembering how it took everything from me, I can’t think I can’t sleep/eat I just want to go
How comfortable do you feel talking about it on here?
i don’t know i can’t think straight i just want to go
I know you do. But there are ways to deal with this that can help you get past it. This happens to a lot of women. A lot. It’s under reported a lot of the time exactly for the reasons that you hesitated. Colleges don’t want the hassle or the bad statistics. They ought to have called in the police to handle it properly.
Even so, I get you not wanting to report it. But don’t let him conquer your mind, too.
He goes to the same college as me and my friends go there so I can’t leave or anything and I have his friends constantly harassing me telling me I’m a liar and everything else they hate my guts he used to be the sweetest man used to be my friend and the only one who never turned their back on me no matter what everyone else had to say and it scares me why he did this to me im scared i just want to end it all and feel nothing nobody understands why it brings me down so much they tell me to let it go but i just cant i really cant
There’s nothing wrong with switching schools. You are going through hell every day.
When I was stalked at one college, I bailed. Wasn’t worth always looking over my shoulder. You DON’T have to live like this.
Do your parents know?
this college was the only one i felt comfortable with… for years ive been bullied all throughout my childhood and missed lots of education so when i came to this college before everything happened i felt like i had a chance in life this college means so much to me and i dont want to ever replace my friends as they live so far away its hard to ever see them elsewhere
my parents have known it hurts my dad a lot but he knows it cant go reported because of the stupid stuff i have said so i have now sabotaged myself and my parents have become very overprotective i love them so much but it doesnt stop the memories and the fear i cant even sleep i want to sleep so bad but i cant knowing ill probably dream of him again
Transferring out of a school is easier than applying to get in as a freshman.
Transferring out is a better option than being harassed on a daily basis.
Is there a woman’s collective on campus?
They will walk you around campus.
They will be a shield.
I c 🙁
u feel u blame urself for not making things “right”?
i screwed it up i got scared and kept saying “no, please don’t call the cops it was consental!” because i didnt want him to go to jail or to go to court because they tear you apart so badly
it wasnt consenual i know this so does him and it hurts so badly because i keep having memories and dreams about what happened over and over im an idiot a huge massive idiot ;~;
Wow! Saying that is a huge step. HUGE step!
So you made a decision and you’re having a hard time living with it.
You didn’t want the man who used to be your friend, who betrayed you, who is a rapist to get in trouble. Okay. It happens.
The issue with the friends mocking you is unacceptable. Since you don’t like taking the legal route restraining orders would be a stretch.
You have to tackle this in a way you can handle it, but you HAVE to address it. It is very difficult to do alone.
And let me just say this: YOU SURVIVED. HURRAY FOR YOU!! You survived. YOu are a survivor and you ARE going to make it through this.
Now, it’s a head game with yourself.
Forgive yourself EVERYTHING.
Forgive yourself that you didn’t see it coming.
Forgive yourself that you put yourself in harm’s way.
Forgive yourself for any self-accusation that says you gave him conflicting signals, or led him on, or are a tease, or any of the other lovely things men say about women.
Forgive yourself for previous sexual relationships and how that may have impacted this present situation.
He betrayed your trust.
He is a rapist.
No=NO!
So forgiving yourself is a very, very big step and people do not understand how necessary it is.
Forgiving yourself is the first step for taking back control of your own mind.
Forgiving yourself is the necessary before you can move past this place of pain.
It Was Not Your Fault.
You survived. You deserve a hug and a congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me know where you are in your head, okay?
Tell us what you’re thinking, okay?
it’s no use…
That’s not true.
You’re saying you’re not worth the effort.
That’s not true!
You are worth the effort.
You didn’t deserve it.
You deserve much better.
If you survived and then made a decision not to prosecute (also survival instinct, btw) then you are a survivor. You’re a pacifist, not a quitter. It takes strength to survive. It takes strength to fight and it takes strength not to fight.
You need to work on making him smaller, because he is a small, small creature and you need to build yourself up.
You can start right now.
Say, “It’s not fair”.
Say it out loud.
Farah, you want to give her your email?
most definitely
i did before
& i’d do it again & again
farahlajeennouraldeen.1
@gmail
please honey, give me a try
come & let’s talk about this
@darkest days: you have farah’s email. mine is on your post if you go into the “there are 30 comments in your queue” and click on that and then go up to all approved comments, you’ll see it under my name.
I’ll be looking for your email if you want.
Right now you should call a friend, your parents, the Resident Assistant on your hall, crisis line.
You need to talk to someone, honey.
If not, Farah and I will be available via email.
okay
look
i’ve been quiet for 30 minutes
trying to think about
what could i possibly say to make this better
to make you feel better
to fix this situation
i now know that there’s nothing
there’s nothing that I or you or anyone
could say or do
from this point forward
to fix what has happened
& it hurts me
to accept this
but it is the truth
& i have to accept it
love,
i need you to find the strength within yourself to accept
that this has happened
it hurts
i know
i feel this hurt too
& i know you feel it 10 thousand times as I do
but there is no other way
we have to accept that this is something that happened
something we can not change
& that this pain is here to stay
we can try to tone it down
bit by bit
& I promise you
someday
some time from now
it will go away
but till then
we have to accept that this pain will be here
i need you to accept this
can you do that for me?
this
okay
okay honey
of many many rounds yet to come
that’s round one here
& you’v just won
i have to confess… that made me smile a little
well, knowing you smiled made me smile 🙂
is it night time where you are?
it’s 2:32 in the morning (‘:
🙂
thanks for being there for me, both of you..
oh my
so we’r having a late night chat here 🙂
sweetheart you’r most most welcome 🙂
okay…
may i suggest we take a break now
till tomorrow
can u let go of the pills
make a glass of warm milk [if milk is okay for you]
dim the lights
drink it up slow
no music, no tv
just you, the milk & us [on the screen]
& when u’r done
rinse your mouth
we say goodnight
& you go to bed
can u do that for me?
ehm
for some reason the wordchat seems to create a problem on this site
Here for you anytime. Feel free to email either of us.
So glad you reached out.
Hugs
u okay there…
okay, since it’s about 3 am where you are now
i’ll do my best to think positively & i’ll assume you’re in deep sleep now
so goodnight & sweet dreams to you honey
please let us know how you’r doing when you wake up
okay
this pain
this sense of guilt
this regret
this face you see
those dreams & nightmares
if you can get yourself
to accept that all this really is happening
that this is the case
this war
this plague
this illness
has been brought upon us
if you can accept that these things are there
no more denial
no more disbelief
no more feeling of shock
a deep deep breath
& a statement
to yourself
“i never wanted this to happen
i wish it never happened
but it happened
& i have to accept this”
if u can make this statement
from your heart
this will be
our first step
to shield you from any further damage
& from that point forwards
we can start a plan
can u do that?
can u accept that what has happened has happened…?
There are triggers… smells, sounds, touches/feeling on your skin. Your body recognizes them, but your mind had detached during the actual trauma. Did you feel out of body?
I suck at this, but when feelings overwhelm me, the best I can do is go outside in nature, or run my hands under water, take a shower (warm or cold, depending on what feeling I think will pull me out of it). Watching something burn is always mesmerizing.
MUSIC (Don’t pick stuff that feeds the misery, unless you feel it actually helps you connect with it)
Sometimes breaking stuff is fun, but nothing that you will regret later.
Just hang on tight… there is more, you aren’t a victim or a survivor. You’re a god damn human being. You got this. Death is always an option, TRUST I have my emergency exits ALWAYS in sight. Just keep trying . Some seconds/moments/hours/days are good, some ok, some just plain suck and hurt so bad.
You’re ok. What you’re feeling is ok. Just breathe
You are not ruined or anything… I struggle with this, I have for a very long time.
You are a human being and things happened. It hurts and I’m not minimalist for it… it fucking sucks. Just focus on yourself. What do you want for yourself?
just wait awhile longer the world will come to an end by man or god we are very over due.
prepare and strike when it happens and get revenge, and btw embrace the hate!
all okay honey?
Yeah…
heyyy
relieved & glad to be reading this from you 🙂
any troubles today?
well, i’ve got a splitting headache and still can’t get out of bed… that’s two things
double trouble 🙂
sorry to hear that 🙁
it’s okay… I think yesterday was tough
you deserve a break day
if you can take one
just “try” to get up & take something for the headache
maybe drink a juice / something sweet
or eat something
you can then get back to bed
just no point in resting while in agony
that’s what I’m trying to say here 🙂
can you do that?
Maybe..
okay honey, just try
it’s alright
one small step at a time
try to sit up
then take a breath
move ur feet out
take a breath
feet down
one more breath
slowly stand up
that’s it
u’r out of bed
okay, just try
okay, im out of bed binging on nachos and coffee
greaaaaaat !!! 🙂
round two
you win again
🙂
ehhh… i just feel empty but thank you for your greatness though !
most most welcome dearest 🙂
& it’s you who’s great
so far
i’m only planning & cheering for you
you’r the real fighter here
i’m here for you all day
everyday
& it’s okay
that emptiness will be there for a while
& again, as we talked yesterday
we just have to accept this will be the case for some time
it’s alright
you still win regardless
okay <3
it’s a shame none of the people I know in person are here for me during a time like this, most days they just seem to read my messages and flat out ignore me… i must consider myself fortunate that i found you guys, because last night i weren’t with it at all…
yeah, i know 🙁
makes you feel even more lonely
i’m really sorry that’s the case
it’s unfortunate that people tend to run away
from those who are suffering or in pain
as if by helping them
or even talking to them
they are risking being “infected” by sadness or pain
when it’s actually the complete opposite
there could be nothing more meaningful
& valuable in a person’s day / life
than helping someone & soothing their pain
it takes effort & time
sure,
but when you see this person is getting better & smiling again
because of you
nothing in the world could compare
having said that
it’s me who’s fortunate 🙂
to have had that chance & that honor
to listen to you & help you go through this
even if it’s one tiny step through
sweatheart, i’m the fortunate here 🙂 <3 <3 <3
if only other were so sweet (‘: i personally feel that no matter what a person goes through, no matter how big or small i will always be there – that no matter how dark they feel on the inside, i’d sit beside them
that’s cuz you have the kindest heart 🙂
<3
x
xoxo
big long hug to you
🙂
but at the same time i’m a massive brat who hates everyone and knows how to slay >:D mwahahaahah!
😀
well, that’s useful too sometimes
😀
Hey… um… i’ve been meaning to ask where abouts in the world are you from..? ^-^;
😀
good question
😀
you probably would never guess this…
except from my name maybe…
I’m in the middle east… 🙂
wow o.O thats incredible!
c
i told you 😀
im from a trashy small town in england somewhere :’D
not trashy,
they got You,
so i’d say it’s one amazing small town 🙂
but yeah,
i figured from our conversation yesterday
not England specifically
but when you said the time
I thought you must be somewhere a bit to the west of me
but not too west, as in USA & such
when you said it was 2:30
it was about 4 am where i am 🙂
& i just couldn’t sleep no matter what
until I figured you must have slept
I love England by the way
been there once
I think London is beautiful
& the country side is even more amazing
🙂
Glad you came back to check in!
Please don’t feel alone in this.
There are a lot of different approaches to getting past this and I’m glad you’re starting the journey!
I believe in you! You reached out and that is huge! Hugs.
I am so sorry to hear this happened to you BUT don’t give him the power. You are strong. You will make it. Take that feeling and use it to help others. You would be amazed how much helping someone else helps yourself heal. Good luck to you