My eyes are so sore and my stomach is churning. Lately I’ve just felt every strip of happiness torn from me. My heart’s covered in scabs. Everything is empty. I just feel useless at the moment. I can’t even project my thoughts clearly. I’m in a haze and just…
Had my first few drinks last night and slightly hungover… deciding whether I can muster the strength to drink some more… I just feel so alone… nobody really understands my issues on the outside world… I have no energy… I’m just tired… I just want to sleep…
Honestly, I’m not even sure if I should even be on this page right now… just feels awkward… hate it… also what the f*ck am I even trying to make a point of..? I just spew up words and expect people to feel sorry for me… to pity me… oh well, guess some could look at me and think “glad I’m not like you.” Apart from that… what am I even doing?
Eh, maybe soon I’ll get bored and go somewhere else…
6 comments
This sounds like my head. Yesterday someone asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t think of a single word to say. What’s the point,no one would get it. I don’t know, maybe it helps to hear ourselves talk. Have a few more drinks , I think I will…
Thanks for being the one to comment on this… my head is currently pondering the thought of throwing myself onto the train tracks while my emotions continue to fade rapidly… I haven’t had a single drop of poison today… pathetic.
Hah funny coincidence, train tracks are my suicidal obsession (hence the username). Did anything trigger your rapid decline? Some days I’m fine with being alone forever, other days it’s unbearable.
I’m sorry some days you find it unbearable. There is no other pain worse than the pain you find hard to manage. Now that you’ve pointed out the reason behind your username – I love it! It’s creative.
My rapid decline also serves as my comfort zone. Doesn’t require any effort. I’m good at suffering. It’s what I deserve. Maybe it’ll teach me a lot of things. Being happy only triggers me further. Rather half some sense of familiarity. Sense of self. The events that led to my decline only blurred out parts of me I once had.
We’re in the same boat. While your trigger was rape, and the subsequent social destruction of your reputation, mine was a bit more about on how people around me acted. I’m also being lambasted almost everyday by the people I once was closest with and considered family and friends. Now it’s as if they take pride and joy in destroying what I have little left through social media. I’ve read your other posts and it seems the friends (and your former friends) of your rapist take on social media and make posts on Facebook to destroy your reputation as well as in real life to make your life a living hell. All I can say is record and take screen shots of their posts. I don’t know where you live but I know there are laws regarding online bullying that can land them in prison. If they mention names and something like that, then you can take them to court. Unlike real life words, the online world can easily be recorded by archiving pages.
Screenshots of the actual conversations would make everything more difficult than it is already. I’ve already dealt the pain of not being taken seriously and any further battle would just become overwhelming. I’d like to say that I am incredibly sorry that people are deciding to tamper with your life in the worst possible way. It hurts so badly when those come together just to wear you down. I ended up blocking more of my rapist’s friends online, as for the rapist himself, I have never spoken to him since the incident. In fact, I now feel that doing so would only make the pain go deeper. My only trigger is the fact that it’s now been a whole year since the incident, during the Summer. My first few months of 2016 up until May/June were the very best. It’s a shame I had to go and ruin it…