I wouldn’t have been long gone, since it hasn’t come to that point yet. It came very close at the end of 2015, and it is coming close again, but I won’t do anything anytime soon.
About the fear of death, sure it exists. But it is much more sadness than fear. Sadness of thinking how all things could easily have been so much more different.
And then there is the fear of what if I fail and end up completely paralyzed etc. But fear from the actual act of killing your body, I don’t think I fear that so much.
I live in a country where gun violence is rampant but obtaining a gun for myself wouldn’t be so easy for me. I’d probably have to buy one illegally but I have no idea how to do that.
Maybe one day I’ll find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time, and if I don’t die at least I’ll get some street cred.
I’m in the US in a red state so I can get my hands on a gun as easy as buying a candy bar. But that doesn’t change things for me. There are a million ways to kill yourself everywhere in the world, when it’s time for me I’ll probably pick the nearest cliff or bridge or train or rope to do the trick, the result is the same.
I think access to a gun seems like the holy grail to those who can’t get one, just like a bottle of N— is the holy grail for suicidal people in the US. And I bet suicidal people in Mexico who have access to N— dream of clinics in Switzerland. And people in Switzerland dream of painless disintegration machines or whatever. We all imagine an easier way in our heads but I think maybe that’s an excuse. I know it is for me. So I ask myself why do I need an excuse? And the answer is, because it’s not time yet.
3 comments
I wouldn’t have been long gone, since it hasn’t come to that point yet. It came very close at the end of 2015, and it is coming close again, but I won’t do anything anytime soon.
About the fear of death, sure it exists. But it is much more sadness than fear. Sadness of thinking how all things could easily have been so much more different.
And then there is the fear of what if I fail and end up completely paralyzed etc. But fear from the actual act of killing your body, I don’t think I fear that so much.
I live in a country where gun violence is rampant but obtaining a gun for myself wouldn’t be so easy for me. I’d probably have to buy one illegally but I have no idea how to do that.
Maybe one day I’ll find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time, and if I don’t die at least I’ll get some street cred.
I’m in the US in a red state so I can get my hands on a gun as easy as buying a candy bar. But that doesn’t change things for me. There are a million ways to kill yourself everywhere in the world, when it’s time for me I’ll probably pick the nearest cliff or bridge or train or rope to do the trick, the result is the same.
I think access to a gun seems like the holy grail to those who can’t get one, just like a bottle of N— is the holy grail for suicidal people in the US. And I bet suicidal people in Mexico who have access to N— dream of clinics in Switzerland. And people in Switzerland dream of painless disintegration machines or whatever. We all imagine an easier way in our heads but I think maybe that’s an excuse. I know it is for me. So I ask myself why do I need an excuse? And the answer is, because it’s not time yet.