Ghost In The Shell

Definitely at a new place, same problems though. I’m finding life isn’t about getting anywhere. Survival is purely a daily endeavour. And survival is the journey. Endurance and fashioning unbeatable strength is the objective rather than aiming at anything unrealistic, surviving, is the battle. And the mind is the battleground. I was telling this to a friend the other night–it’s all about the goddamn investment level. Ideally you want to be completely invested in life but, interestingly, as long as you have a foot in the suicide camp, and conversely the life camp–you’ll never totally commit and invest in life because of that reservation and escapist thought that is suicide.

That’s the ideal of course. Commiting to life mentally and putting all your chips on life. Not the easiest to do but as soon as you pretend suicide isn’t an option it forces you to find alternate routes neurologically and pragmatically. Suicide thoughts are like an addiction–every time we think about it, forms a neurological pathway to make it even easier to think about subsequently. I don’t know if I see that completely happening for me but it’s a nice sentiment. Every day I survive I get stronger. Every day I overcome I build momentum. Whatever gets you by gets you by. Self medication is secondary to survival and if it gets you by, survive by whatever means necessary and available.

Getting my hands on some shrooms soon. Heard they’re pretty therapeutic for people with treatment resistant depression. Like I said whatever gets you through–the psilocybin promotes a different perspective on life and the mechanism of action is such that it activates the brain to think differently. Going for DMT shortly after. It’s time to hit up radical lengths to change the perspective.

Just checked out the new Ghost In The Shell with Scarlett Johansen. Fuckin disgusting. Just dirty. My buddy also told me it was partially based on the two tv seasons: Stand Alone Complex. That whole concept of her ghost not being able to be controlled inside this Shell that’s designed to be manipulated by the robotics company. So sick. Her ghost breaks free and discovers she has different memories than the one they planted–that she’s been lied to again and again to supplant any glitch to rebel. Yeah, the whole thing was bomb. “The Shell is theirs but your ghost is always yours, uncontrollable.” Being detained against my will for a while, I know what the fuck that’s like to feel owned by the system–only thing you can do is meditate and focus on the inner to get you through. The system is a prison, this planet is a prison–your body can be a prison–you don’t need to be in an actual prison for fuck sakes. It’s all about somehow ascertaining liberation through the impossiblity of it all. Gripping your humanity, making sober eye contact with it, and being okay with the shell you’re in–the limitations of physicality and in contrast, the limitlessness and infinitude of your ghost. My name is nokshus and I give my consent.