Whats the point of all this really , we’ll all be dead soon anyway. Everyday I make goals , act superior to all the hate and pain and the drugs, smoking , drinking and hide and do them all . I can’t stand this hopeless feeling. I WANT TO DIE , not exsit , disappear. I keep telling myself that everyone feels this way , I’m not alone in this awful sinking feel of dreading the morning sun , the reminder that I have to breath one more breathe in this cursied life. And its not even a bad life I have people who love me , would be heart broken to see me go. But , I dont want to be here anymore. I hate it.I HATE ALL OF IT! I got demons I don’t even understand. They sing my fear of living at night and pester my dreams and keep from a true night sleep. Why do I feel this way , why can’t I be happy. All the happiness I chase is just a blanket. And I don’t dare tell anyone for fear that I will be called a lier, an attention seeker , desperate for love .But I am tired of living and feeling, and I contain a deep feeling for it all to end. I am a hipercate, and I live it everyday, the smiles are fact, the laughter is acted and the goals are empty. I just want to die.
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I should write something hopeful or something like that but I feel the same. And this for nearly two years now and I don’t know how to handle it. I told my family but they think it’s show. I think about death all day and want it so bad. So if it would help you, you can write me and we could talk a little. I feel like it would help me if I could tell somebody who understand how I feel.
bye