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Life has been such a huge freaking struggle and I feel like I’m done. The chronic pain I suffer from, my sick family, my failure as a person, I’m sick of it. I’m tired of living…but, I’m not positive I want to die.

I’m kind of convincing myself not to off myself by challenging the concept of suicide. You see right now, when I think about suicide I ask myself how my corpse will look, or how others will react as well as the bliss of nothingness. If I was going to really commit suicide, I’d have to stop caring about superficial aspects of my postmortem experience, because I WON’T experience it. I’ll be gone.

So I”m keeping myself alive through my own vanity.

How pathetic is that. :,)


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FarahLajeenNourAlDeen 6/3/2017 - 4:05 am

honey, it’s not pathetic
you’r mind is trying to hold on to life any way it can
It’s, primarily, instinctual
& i’d say it’s intelligent too
you are considering the consequences of your actions
that is both smart & honorable

i’m sorry honey that you feel all this hurt & desperation

I understand you are tired
& i understand u’r in pain

but honey this doesn’t mean that things will always be this way
things can change or be changed
we just might need to do a little bit of effort
in small bits, one day at a time

I wish to help you any way I can
or at least listen to you
anything & everything you got to say…

could you give me that honor?
can we talk?

if you’r not comfortable talking here
that’s okay

my email is

please know that you’r most welcome to contact me at any time
& please don’t do anything dark

FarahLajeenNourAlDeen 6/3/2017 - 4:11 am

my first questions have to do with your choronic pain, your family, & with feeling / being unsuccessful… can we talk about these 3 things?
can you tell me how & when each of them started? & what’s their current condition [can u describe how are these 3 things are happening now in your life?]

notwhitenorblack 6/3/2017 - 10:56 am

Not at all. It’s normal to think and hesitate. It’s okay to stop yourself if you want to using any way you find working for you.

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