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Life has been such a huge freaking struggle and I feel like I’m done. The chronic pain I suffer from, my sick family, my failure as a person, I’m sick of it. I’m tired of living…but, I’m not positive I want to die.

I’m kind of convincing myself not to off myself by challenging the concept of suicide. You see right now, when I think about suicide I ask myself how my corpse will look, or how others will react as well as the bliss of nothingness. If I was going to really commit suicide, I’d have to stop caring about superficial aspects of my postmortem experience, because I WON’T experience it. I’ll be gone.

So I”m keeping myself alive through my own vanity.

How pathetic is that. :,)

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3 comments

FarahLajeenNourAlDeen 6/3/2017 - 4:05 am

🙁
honey, it’s not pathetic
you’r mind is trying to hold on to life any way it can
It’s, primarily, instinctual
& i’d say it’s intelligent too
you are considering the consequences of your actions
that is both smart & honorable

i’m sorry honey that you feel all this hurt & desperation

I understand you are tired
& i understand u’r in pain

but honey this doesn’t mean that things will always be this way
things can change or be changed
we just might need to do a little bit of effort
in small bits, one day at a time

I wish to help you any way I can
or at least listen to you
anything & everything you got to say…

could you give me that honor?
can we talk?

if you’r not comfortable talking here
that’s okay

my email is
farahlajeennouraldeen.1
@gmail

please know that you’r most welcome to contact me at any time
tc
& please don’t do anything dark
okay

FarahLajeenNourAlDeen 6/3/2017 - 4:11 am

my first questions have to do with your choronic pain, your family, & with feeling / being unsuccessful… can we talk about these 3 things?
can you tell me how & when each of them started? & what’s their current condition [can u describe how are these 3 things are happening now in your life?]

notwhitenorblack 6/3/2017 - 10:56 am

Not at all. It’s normal to think and hesitate. It’s okay to stop yourself if you want to using any way you find working for you.

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