Why do you want to die?
How long have you wanted to die?
Do you believe you will ever recover or do you think it is already too late?
If you had a gun with one bullet right now, do you think you could pull the trigger? I know I could. No question about it.
For me, my fate is sealed. I was predestined to commit suicide, I know I was. Over 5 years of relentless hell for every second of everyday… there’s no way I can recover from this. The mental institutes did nothing and I went twice. I wouldn’t be surprised if I suffered permanent brain damage (for example, prolong depression actually shrinks parts of the brain that deal with memory. If I recall correctly, if you wait too long, the damage can be permanent).
I wait and wait for some freak accident to take my life. That isn’t going to happen. The only way to die soon is by my own hands.
10 comments
Reasons for wanting to die:
I fail everything like it’s a God given talent.
I’m also good at pissing people off.
Society won’t accept me.
People make me miserable.
I started to have suicidal thoughts when I was 18, but they were weak at the time, then they established themselves when I was 20 years old. I remember wishing I was dead because the life I wanted never happened.
It’s like swimming through a shit pile because you thought that sooner or later you’ll find a pile of gold, but instead you find a big doo-oo cow pie.
Maybe I can recover, if I stay away from people. I feel about letting go of my dream of having kids because I can’t bring into a world where dreams don’t come true. You get to watch them try and fail, and it’s heart breaking to watch. Might end up using a baby doll to deal with my baby urges.
“I remember wishing I was dead because the life I wanted never happened.”
All my problems can be summarized with that one sentence. I had planned out perfectly how my life was supposed to turn out but it didn’t happen all because of things that weren’t even in my control. It was a very simple and realistic dream which makes me all the angrier because I wasn’t asking for much at all. I wasn’t obsessed with money and was happy with the idea of living alone. I wanted a small home too.
Now, I am obsessed with money despite my dream being very inexpensive.
I became obsessed with money because of all the wasted years. I want money to make up for all that wasted potential.
You made a post earlier that included how highschool was a waste of time. Those 4 wasted years screwed with my head. Things only got worse after I graduated highschool. More time was wasted. I tried to end my life a little after graduating and was taken to the mental institute. When I came back, I registered late for a cc and took only one class. Next semester, I still only took a few because I told myself “I’m still recovering and I don’t want to overstress myself”. I hated myself more for wasting even more time and on super easy classes too. Gen eds really are just highschool classes. Honestly, I just took over 20 units and for the most part, it wasn’t that bad. I regret not just going for a GED and starting college at age 14 back when I actually, for the most part, loved life and school. I got a 4.13 one time. I usually had high gpas. I legitimately studied everyday in highschool.. if only I were like that now but I am just so defeated.
My 2nd year at college, I stopped showing up to my classes the last month and tried to end my life again. Yet again, I was sent to the mental institute. When I came back, I didn’t even register for the following semester. My 2nd yr might as well not exist and same with my 1st semester.
People really have no idea how broken I became when I was 16.5. It even surprises me sometimes. Just looking back and seeing how things were even allowed to get this bad makes me feel like it’s not even worth it anymore.. If I were truly meant to live, someone would have saved me before that mess happened.. I had an actual purpose before, but now.. I am just living for the mere sake of it and pointless survival just isn’t worth it.
It’s sad because I went from a hardcore student to *this* all because of what happened to me at age 16.5. I never got over it.
It honestly hurts me to perform under my expectations because I know for a fact I was capable of so much more than this. I am finishing an associates in a field where the money isn’t “terrible” but I hate it so I’m basically going to change career paths… damn. I’m basically almost done with my lower division classes to transfer for an online business degree from a pretty good, accredited school and even though I hate the idea of debt, I would prefer to be in debt and have a job I won’t hate than make an “okay” salary in a job I hate like crazy.
Instead of putting up with this shitty life, hopefully I can kill myself soon.
The reasons I want to die are too complicated and numerous to list. A tangled mess.
I’ve wanted to die for five years, at least. I’ve been depressed for a year or two longer. And I’ve been mental for over 12 years.
I seriously doubt that I’ll recover, but I’m trying anyway.
If I had a gun with one bullet, I’d throw the gun as far as I could from myself.
As for feeling like you’re predestined for this…I can relate. Wish I knew what advice to give, but anything I’d say would be useless.
My reply is same as bluediam but iam still replying to the post with other answers.
Why do you want to die? Only option.
How long have you wanted to die? I’ve always
Do you believe you will ever recover or do you think it is already too late? No.
If you had a gun with one bullet right now, do you think you could pull the trigger? Yes.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if I suffered permanent brain damage (for example, prolong depression actually shrinks parts of the brain that deal with memory. If I recall correctly, if you wait too long, the damage can be permanent).”
Yes, *untreated* depression can have detrimental physiological effects. The brain is malleable and highly resilient though, and has the ability through neuroplasticity to compensate and adapt.
Some studies observe that when antidepressants are used for treatment for depression decline in recollection is haltered and potentially increased, results may be linked to neurogenesis.
Our bodies are truly remarkable and over time can heal, I vaguely remember reading a study on the effects of illegal drugs and was astounded to learn that for some drugs it could take up to two years for monoamine levels to return to normal. It’s probable though, and even something as seemingly normal as exercise and diet can contribute greatly to recuperation or halting further decline.
Obviously, for greater effectiveness treatment encompasses a multifaceted approach.
*halted.
Why do you want to die?
I want to die because I never thought I’d be in a position like I am in now. I’m constantly in shock. It’s too much of an agony to bear. The tears, the flashbacks and the self-sabotaging is too much. Someone who knew so much about you decides to kill you on the inside. I can’t handle it. I just want to go.
How long have you wanted to die?
Since the age of 13 when I was first diagnosed with depression. Suicidal thoughts came in. Not as strong as they are in the present day and age, though. I’ve only taken an overdose once. Landed in hospital for an entire week hallucinating non-stop and couldn’t stomach my food. They didn’t know it was an overdose though so my stomach was never pumped. I was drugged up on all sorts of medication to try snap me out of my trance. It did work eventually, but oh God, I could have died.
Do you believe you will ever recover or do you think it is already too late?
It’s already too late. I’ve met the devil. I can’t turn back the clock. I’m already damaged. It hurts.
If you had a gun with one bullet right now, do you think you could pull the trigger?
I’d pull it. It’s a gun, it’s near enough foolproof.
Why do I want to die? Read my very first post by clicking on my username to find out because it is too much to explain right now.
How long have I wanted to die? I am 20 now. I have wanted to die since I was 11. That’s almost NINE YEARS.
Do I think I will ever recover or is it too late? I personally don’t think it’s too late, since I’m only 20, but it seems as if there is NO WAY I could EVER fix this stuff, because I feel as though God treats me like SHIT and acts like he hates me. Plus I’m unlucky in almost every way possible.
If you had a gun with one bullet, do you think you could pull the trigger? No, ONLY because I don’t have the guts, but if I did, I would have done it a LONG time ago.
Why do you want to die?
– I want to die because I hate myself, everything around me, and my life. I had one plan for a future and I thought I’d be there by now, but I can’t even get out of the place I am staying at which is the root of my misery. I get arrested for the stupidest shit like walking down the road where they beat me and molest me. It’s frightening just to think about. I never wanted to know how sick those people were.
How long have you wanted to die?
-My first memory of wanting to die was when I was talking to a friend in 8th grade, being miserable as always. I would always bring up suicide. I would say well I’ll probably just kill myself after all of this.
We talked about methods, she said she would overdose on drugs because it is surefire and takes you down heavenly. I was afraid of drugs, I said I would jump off a cliff like in Catcher and the Rye.
Or bullet to the head., quick, painless, hardcore. She passed 03/14/2015. I’ve been attempting to complete since 2013. First completion attempt 01/28/2016. Second 10/22/2016. Poisoned by psych meds since 2013 summer. Early 2015 they started the nasty antipsychotics where they don’t warn you about any negative effects. I gain 70 pounds in 5 months. Where they fucked up my body, stomach, mind, everything. Turned me from a great person into a even more miserable shell. They keep fucking trying to offer me psych meds I’m like get the fucking point, you fooled me twice I ain’t getting fooled again by pure scum, nastiest humans in all of humanity.
Do I think I will ever recover or is it too late?
– I think I have no way to survive. I have no shelter and no home, even if I wanted to.
If you had a gun with one bullet, do you think you would be able to pull the trigger?
– I’d be ecstatic. That’s all I’ve been trying to do for years!! Well, first I’d have to journey to a suitable burial grounds and then yes I would joyfully pull the trigger. Well, unless something changes… but god damn, if it hasnt by now, I doubt it ever will.
I think I’m gonna wait a week maybe 4 days… see how intolerable this week is. So far on tolerability 2.5/10 -> but I keep saying I want to go through with it and soon. Like Hermann Hesse’s, Steppenwolf, “No more tarrying.”
Oh btw I was 13/14 then I am now 23 almost.