I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard “we have a duty of care to keep you safe” and it hurts more every time because I just feel more and more that there is nothing they can do for me. They may come up with a safety plan that makes me feel guilty for not ending my life when I should, or try to tie in with psychologists or doctors but it does nothing. They say you’re finding a permanent solution to a temporary problem but you won’t care when you’re dead.
Why can’t they understand how hopeless it really is? My friends wanted me to try harder, they don’t know how hard I tried, but with every step I attempt to take forward, I’m crushed by the knowledge that I deserve to die. I just don’t want to be a failure anymore.
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4 comments
“We have a duty” that is some bullshit pledge they have pledged to the state. They may as well be pledging to their grandma. Same state that steals money out of your monthly income. Same state that lets kids get beat up in public schools.
I agree with what you are saying username123. Although i do believe that thre is some well meaning people out there, i think that a paycheck is the sole motivation for others. Sure, they may have started out with good intentions but it doesn’t last forever.
Why are most workers dreaming of retirement? That’s a daily conversation in the work canteen.
“My pension” “fishing” and “fucking off to the coast” to reflect on all three things do make me chuckle.
As for “try harder” Well, i do laugh at that statement. Try harder to what? Forget your sadness? Forget your past? Forget your money troubles and an impending debt letter?
I’ll try harder to medicate myself some more. Then i can watch the matrix melt into a mixture of colours while i laugh my ass off at someone arguing with a parking attendent about the crime they just commited.
Hah. They see so many depressed people that it’s hard to care. They just don’t want you killing yourself on their watch because they don’t want to have to deal with an investigation.
Once again Elixir, Government bureaucracy and red tape smothers kindness and compassion.
Life reminds me of the film ‘Brazil’ at times.