The last time I was in this dark place was 12 years ago. My letter was written; I had a plan and I came so close. But I really believe God interceded on my behalf, and I believe I had some fight left in me. Now I’m here again, and I’m too tired to fight, and I have no energy. Most importantly, I don’t feel our Lord here with me. Is it possible to be a Christian and feel as though God has abandoned you? My thoughts tell me that He doesn’t care anymore. And I don’t blame Him because I don’t think I’m worth the trouble. My Dad took his life many years ago. My Mom, who was my best friend, is gone now too. But the worst was losing my only child, my daughter, and my 2.5 month old grandson. I know everyone has pain in their life, but I’m not a strong person. I don’t know how to live with so much hurt. And what I’m doing now is not really living. I sleep to escape the pain, and I cry when I’m awake. Seriously, why am I still here? It’s so unfair, but I realize there is nothing fair in life.
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I am not really living either. So much loss and pain, crying and feeling alone.
Can you be a Christian? Why not? Jesus said he was the truth, and this is how you truly feel. The truth has to include doubt, pain, unfairness and loss of faith, these things are real.
I am not a strong person either. This suffering has me feeling broken with no purpose. My mind is running in the same circles. I really just want to sleep and wish you some peace.
You’re here because took the action to end your life yet it is all mechanical
Sounds awful what you have been through. If you survive this you are much stronger than me. Your question, are you still a Christian if you feel god has abandoned you, yes I think you can be. Mother Teresa questioned how god can allow the suffering that she dedicated her life to treating. But she kept doing her part to help and died unhappy. I think that’s the true spirit of Christianity if we strip away all the bull that was added later. Jesus was tortured to death while his god allowed it. Who knows, maybe god had more pressing matters elsewhere in the universe. But the point is, if you admire the way Christ lived his life and believe his presence will eventually save your soul, then I think you can call yourself a Christian even if you feel abandoned. For the record, I’m not a Christian. I think his core teachings were beautiful and his message was pure. But I don’t think he or anyone can save my soul.
I have felt totally abandoned by God twice in my life.. still recovering and decided to read the bible which has been really healing. I have also read that Mother Theresa felt abandoned by God for most of her adult life and questioned her relationship with God. It’s a horrible feeling. You sound incredibly strong and made me think of this scripture:
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.