I can’t write with any feeling
My work’s always unappealing
Even when my skin is peeling
Off and my mind is reeling
I don’t know what I am feeling
I don’t know if I am feeling
I was told a bit ago that everything I create seems empty and void of feeling, so I was going to write a thing about that…. About how I can’t really put feeling into things if I barely have those things to begin with, and of course me not being able to stay on task or topic with anything just sort of led to this pile of shit…. Obviously now I should add two lines and pick up lyric writing and make a song with that as the chorus thingy…. Chorus thingies tend to be 8 bars right? O.o I think so…. I’m not certain I think that was the trend when I was in an orchestra I think they tended to be at least multiples of 4 often, at least in 4/4 which seems like it’d be the easiest to work with anyway…. Wow I went way too far with this joke, didn’t I? :p
But meh, I was feeling bothered by this comment from a person, as the shitty horrible things I write do make me at least feel like I’m feeling emotions…. But I do agree they probably aren’t as I never really notice myself feeling that much…. They told me I should write a thing about not feeling much because apparently not feeling emotions is just kind of a feeling…. I don’t like the AAAAAA rhyme scheme I initially went in planning to do like ABAB or ABBA or something fun but I guess this was more like a sketch and meh I really just felt like rambling here, and I kind of got into the habit of prefacing my rambles with a short shitty thing I wrote…. I never really get past rough drafts though, maybe I should go through all my rough things (I actually have a lot, while I wasn’t keeping to my one per day plan at all, I was still doing 1-2 per week…. and things pile up at that rate) and maybe refine and add and reorganize and just make them better…. Then finally maybe post a final piece, and see if that’s decent…. Mostly with this one I was having fun with that “eeling” sound, which is one of my favorite…. and I stopped myself at this point…. I could go forever with that sound almost, I know soooooooo many of those words because they’re kind of my favorite to say, because they just feel amazing in the mouth. xD So I spent maybe 5 minutes on this…. Actually it wasn’t even that long probably, this was definitely a sketch, I just kind of wanted to ramble though, so this is mostly a ramble deal…. It’s odd I actually didn’t ramble about anything meaningful but I feel tired now, I was having problems with sleep which is what spawned this post…. I played pathfinder earlier today, had a lot of fun…. I’m going to force myself to end here ^_^
I do hope that you have a wonderful day. xD
14 comments
dont feel bad, its 9 o clock in the morning and im getting drunk.
if u ever need someone to talk to email me at ohhunter(at)rocketmail.com
okay will do xD
it’s 6:22am for me, and I still haven’t slept yet -_- and I have things to do later today too xD
What’s the reason you can’t sleep, iris? Worries?
Man, there are many here that would propose you the same. You can always talk to us here.
Rambling tends to be the most honest and true thing that comes from people’s mouth. For me, it’s rather charming.
I found your chorus appealing. The frustration that comes from that dark, empty place – it’s painful and bitter. While the first four strophes were, as you said, rambling (though acceptable themselves), the last two almost physically struck a cord.
Poetry, typical, spoken or otherwise, is all about feelings and emotions. If you feel the void, if you write about it, it’s already just that, the art, and itself real and validated. There will always be someone that will find it unappealing, just as there will always someone that will find it good.
It’s subjective and I wouldn’t decide on the worth of my art while listening only to one person.
*Is going to respond to all of your comments here to save space*
Yeah, worries factor into the not sleeping, also just wanting to do other things…. And general anxiety, I’ve just been anxious lately. It sucks too as I had a really good patch for a few months and now I’m back to this :/ it feels worse when I’m not used to it anymore.
Yay, I’m kind of happy that you said frustration there…. That is a great word to describe my annoyance at this issue of mine. I personally disliked the last two (assumes a strophe is a line?…. Sorry I have actually never encountered that word before…. Also a note, I don’t want to disagree with your opinion on them, I am very sorry if this comes off like that, I didn’t want it to.), they felt lazy to me…. I hate repetition even with subtle changes, even if it makes sense (which it made sense in this case, at least to me.) it just feels so lazy and uninspired to me…. Then again I have learned that I should just calm down and be a little less hyper critical of myself, as I know I would never be this critical just for the sake of being critical of anybody else…. But meh, I like writing “poems” and such, I find it quite a lot of fun, I also like to share the ones that feel a bit better here…. Mostly because I know some people will enjoy it, as any form of art at any skill level can always be enjoyed. ^_^ -likes all art-
Yeah I do know that, but I don’t feel that. And no my friend didn’t use the word unappealing, he just said emotionless, which did bother me as that is something I’ve felt about things I make for a very long time, that they just feel dead and emotionless…. And I really want to do something more with this annoyance at my inability to properly express myself, probably because I don’t have much to express…. But thanks for actually putting a word to the feeling here, frustration fits this very well, actually I could probably safely say perfectly…. I’m not exactly good at identifying emotions. That could be because I don’t feel a lot, or maybe I do feel a lot of emotions but I just don’t realize it because I don’t have words to describe them…. My counselor actually had to pull out a deck of flashcards (directed toward children) with emotions written on them to help me describe how I feel to him…. I really wish I could remember all of them, there were so many, I know anxious was on there which I didn’t count as an emotion…. I should really find a deck like that and buy myself one, amazon probably has some for sale, but I should just ask him which he’d suggest…. It could actually be rather useful for me, I did feel bad about only picking out 4 that I could say I feel on a regular basis, I can’t recall what they were though….
Yeah don’t worry, I do know that it is very subjective, it just was a comment that struck a chord because I’ve been telling myself the exact same thing for so very long -_- and it’s just something I can’t really fix…. Although I do get more compliments on my work than I deserve, even something I wrote in a cafe as a joke, I can’t even remember what that was about I think it was a starwars thing using I think mashed potatoes to represent the death star and something like raw eggs to represent luke skywalker…. I don’t recall it was weird and about food and the battle of yavin…. We had spent like 2 hours at that point memorizing digits of pi, so we really needed a break….
But I have a lot of things I really need to learn in work on, nothing I do is actually super strictly structured, I would love to do something that’s very strict but I don’t even know where to start with things like that, I first have to even understand how the structures exactly work, and I’m certainly not a person that studies the English language deeply…. So some things do go a bit over my head :/ But learning is always a thing that is possible….
Wow, rambling again…. Sorry about that, I try not to write too much in comments, but I can’t help it…. I am really not the best at only mentioning the relevant things :/
I already told you that I appreciate rambling. I tend to do it, even. Write as much as you want to, I will read it sooner or later. I also apologise in advance if you need to wait for some time for my answer. I have DID, so I am not always behind ‘the wheel’.
Just keep doing it. Carry on and everything will come to you with time and practice. You will get it, I have no doubts about it 😉
Honestly, I think it is not about not feeling or not having emotions. Sometimes you get to feel simply too much. The emotions overwhelm you and impair you in life. That’s when the brain starts ‘the defence’ by numbing the ones connected to you at the time. You still feel, in fact, but the feelings are buried under the layer of dissociation. At least this is how I understand it.
By the way (and sorry for spamming), I just remember a small method for worries. Set your own everyday ‘worry-time’. 30 minutes is enough – just write down everything that worries you and that you’re sad or scared about. It helped me once with my insomnia.
Well that’s good that you enjoy rambling, I do it a lot xD
Yeah, with time and practice and study I could learn to do anything I know that…. It’s just that’s work and I’m a bit lazy most of the time ^_^ but at least this is a fun thing.
That’s probably not actually the case for me, but it could be and I would never know…. I know the main emotion I feel is anxiety and overwhelmed (if that’s an emotion.) but other than that I have no idea…. I guess entertained is an emotion I feel too when distracted (again if that’s an emotion) I just wish I understood emotions better as I probably do feel quite a few more than I think, but it is hard to notice things without having a way to describe them, at least for me it is.
and you’re not spamming 😛 ^_^ Thanks for the suggestion…. normally exercise works well for me but I have been lazy as of late :/
Sorry that I took awhile to respond, I managed to fall asleep and just woke up ^_^ got myself like 5 hours xD
That’s okay.
You tell me about lazy – I can stay in bed without doing anything literally for weeks at a time 😉 It’s not about making it into work. You feel like it – you do it and with every piece you want to make, you get better.
This reminded me of every song Genesis ever made. I think you could turn this into a triple-platinum album if you can whip up a few more rhymes and get a musical accompaniment.
I am not familiar with that artist, and google isn’t telling me much 🙁
I can get rhymes pre easily, it’s just the quality of them that is the problem…. I could probably do the only speak in rhyme thing if I really really wanted, because I have a problem -_- I do kind of want to come back to this, songwriting could be an interesting challenge, I just need to learn more about structuring.
Just look up Genesis – Jesus He Knows Me, or I Can’t Dance. They’re classic. I don’t think you have any problems with structuring. At least, judging from the sample in the OP. You say you have a problem with feeling, but you don’t really need to worry about that, either. All you need is something you want to say. Then you can have fun with it.
I meant like strict structuring, I wasn’t saying that this had a bad structure, just like I can’t write for example something like a sonnet, or something like that…. I would like to, as they seem hard ^_^
That’s an interesting way to look at it, maybe I don’t need to express emotions and instead could express ideas. Thank you very much for that idea ^-^