I can’t stop thinking about everything I’ve lost or done wrong. I get it, everyone makes mistakes, but mine were pretty big ones. Getting married at 19, staying with him even though he abused me emotionally and physically. When I couldn’t pick myself up, I lost the one job I loved dearly. Spent the next two years working dead end jobs and drinking myself into a hole. Now I have a semi decent job and I love it, however I still drink whenever I can. Other night I started having a panic attack at work of all places, had to hide out in the bathroom, it took me an hour to fully cool my jets. And all I could think of, was everything I did wrong. How if I just did what my husband wanted then I wouldn’t have gotten as hurt as bad, or if I toughed it out, I’d still have my favorite job/career, or maybe my coworkers would like me if I wasn’t in a bad mood or terrible. I worry about everything, I can’t calm down anymore, and just feel like I’m completely falling apart, I don’t sleep and I’m exhausted, my PTSD and depression is outta control. And because of where I work I’m embarrassed about going and getting some extra help. I wanna sleep so bad and get better.
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3 comments
It’s just a really unfortunate situation, you didn’t deserve to go through that but sadly life just does these unpredictable nasty things randomly,
Do you get therapy? For your PTSD and depression? Any meds to help you as well?
I don’t know where you work, maybe a medical field?
But you shouldn’t feel embarrassed to seek help when you need it, you’ll get better isn’t that worth even a little embarrassment If you do experience it?
Or at least you’ve a chance to get better.
Ouffff it gives me great pain to see men abusing and cheating on their partners. Stay strong sweetie. Hopefully you will find someone special who knows your worth and he will respect you not for your body but for who you are.
We are all suffering in one or other way
AA is a good place to start.