I would never have believed it was possible to feel as empty as I do. I used to think that I was interesting, and charming. Now, I’m amazed anyone has ever liked me. I am a hollow shell filled with nothing of importance. I don’t know who I am. I shaved my head hoping it would rattle something loose within me. I self harm because it’s a cruel, and necessary reminder that I’m alive. I have started choking myself. Every new extreme I go to, I’m met by the same, empty resistance. I don’t want to be alive tomorrow. But I will wake up, shower, eat, and continue breathing because that is what the body does.
2 comments
I can relate to you man, I feel so empty and numb inside that I intentionally cause myself to feel unnecessary pain, just to feel a little alive. I’ve grown so tired of putting up a front like I want to live that it’s taken its toll on me finally.. It’s hard to wanna see tomorrow when there’s nothing in your life worth seeing tomorrow for.. I hope you find peace in your life man…
When shit happens I slam my head on the wall. Like for example, I went to jail. First time, I played it cool. Second time, I slammed my head against the wall. Third time, I didn’t stay overnight. Then I got taken to rehab, I slammed my head against the wall. I get haunted by that shit and I start slamming my head against the wall. I didn’t deserve this, ya know? I’m thinking of cutting. I hate it. There’s nothing to do but run away from this dreadful place. I don’t have a safe space. I used to be safe. Now everyone turns against me and wants to hurt me. I want to live but know I don’t want to live here.