‘Everything will be okay.’ In the almost 5 years that my brother has been gone, nobody has ever bothered to tell me things would work out and it would be okay. Not even once. Which is baffling to me, isn’t that what people in my surroundings were supposed to say? That, eventually, it would work out and I would be okay again? I was so young, only 14, and no adult in my life bothered to even try and reassure me that in the end, it’d be fine? Until a few months ago, when I met my boyfriend and told him about the brother I lost and the grief I’ve been through. He listened and nodded and didn’t say much, he just held me and told me ‘it would be okay, eventually’. And over the past months, whenever I have another small (or not so small) breakdown and I fall back into my pessimistic thinking pattern where everything is wrong and bound to go bad, he tells me time after time again. ‘It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna make sure it’s okay, together.’
And 90 percent of the time, I don’t believe him and I’ll shake my head and say ‘no, it won’t’. But the fact he says it to me, every so often, does move me. It does something, it means something, it IS something. More than the nothing I’m used to.
Maybe in time I’ll start believing it after a while. Just not yet.
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7 comments
All I wanna do now
Is give you a big big hug
& tell you
It’ll all be okay <3
hey at least you have someone. Some of us aren’t lucky to find someone. And if we do, they end up running. So be very thankful for him.
Well, don’t discount the possibility that people were trying to comfort you but you were in too much pain to hear or process intentions.
Yes, of course, it will be OK. There is no waste in the grand scheme of things. No sparrow falls to the ground unnoticed, regardless of whether there is a god or not. Everything is connected.
And you, with your marvelous mind, get to think on this and see the way your brother is connected to all things… and especially to you. Recognize the ways his brief life made your better and then move forward to make other’s lives better, too. This way your brother will continue to effect the world through you.
And it will become more than OK.
It’s pleasing and catches me off guard to see someone with any semblance of a mental constitution left on this website.
By that I mean your emotions and mind being balanced enough for you to say something meaningful like that surprises me.
I’ve been practicing writing for a looooong time. In real life I’m a massively spastic shit machine with missing teeth and a wooden leg.
There are plenty of people on this website that are empathic, intelligent, and can tell too from two and to. I’m just the guy that started the union.
Mm. Depends on your standards for intelligence, but okay. A friend of mine figured out how nuclear bombs are made using his own mind when he was still a teenager, another read War and Peace in 7th grade… so, whatever you prefer. Possessing a few thrown together mental faculties that are crude but serviceable doesn’t impress me.
Of course, as I am now, I don’t even fit my own standards for competence, but when I think of all my potential wasted, it eats me alive, and drives me insane.
I’m nothing but shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe now. I just want to die.
hey at least you have someone. Some of us aren’t lucky enough to have someone. And if we do, they end up running saying they cant handle us. So be very thankful for him. Never take him for granted