So I’m depressed again. Kinda wish I was’nt too weak to be normal, but whatever. Thought about bothering my friends again, but I’m tired of being a burden on them. Wife is sick of the whining too. And I should’nt share at work. So I might as well share for the one or two people who accidentally read this. Dont worry about ignoring me: I’m not a teenaged girl so I dont fuckin matter anyways. If I mattered I would’ve done something that mattered by now. Only one thing I can do that will make any difference.
This site was in theory, a good idea. It’ll probably save a few kids I guess. I am beyond help, and obsolete. I have’nt been a benefit to society and it’s too late to start now. I just wish I didnt feel so bad about that. I’m gratefull that my wife and I have grown apart: that will be easier to move on for her. I dont really have anything else. I think I have done the things I can, ran off those few whom would’ve been effected. I’m really scared. I dont have anything left standing between me and death. I really have eradicated all of my support. Except a bunch of random strangers on a website. Why am I talking to you? Why am I doing this at all? Nobody cares. Maybe I just wanna hurt a couple strangers’ feelings? Lol, right. Maybe I just wanna document what it feels like. But I’m not saying anything someone else has’nt already said. Obsolete again. I’m finished wasting time.
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3 comments
Sounds pretty bleak. I found this site several months ago, back when my depression was at it’s peak… er… I was going somewhere with that- but nvm.
If you’re really at the end of your rope, so to speak, why not just drop everything that you’re unhappy with? try a new job maybe?
… Worst case scenario become some type of wandering vagabond. Head to the Himalayas to find enlightenment or something lol… Anyway, I was just trying to say that maybe you can find some type of new direction in your life. Something which makes life tolerable =\
I push people away too . I don’t mean to, but maybe I’m sort of unconsciously doing it , because I want my end goal to be easier to reach? Not sure.
Also, you said that you aren’t saying anything that hasn’t already been said, but I don’t think that it makes it any less worth sharing . We all have individual stories and I believe that sharing, even with a bunch of random strangers on the internet, makes us feel just a little better. I hope that someone comes into your life or returns that can’t be run off and offers you all the support you may want/need 🙂
Just to let you know that people are reading this and share the same feelings. Hard stuff to articulate, but you make it clear. I do care. Please don’t think I’m some sort of missionary out there trying to save people. I’m not. I’m like you.