I guess I’ll give some background first. This is my first long term relationship and the first one that has challenged me for the better (she never lets me give up). We would have been together for 2 years this August 16th and I think in both our minds this was a milestone. We had lived together for nearly a year and things were stressful but manageable. We did a lot of fun things together and were making a life for ourselves. To be honest, we have had quite a few rough spots and almost broke up a couple of times. We have been in counseling to resolve issues for the last 4 months. We both have seen some progress in how we treat each other and we are better than we were. We communicate much better too. I truly thought things were going well. We haven’t been living with each other because we both agree that while we are learning to communicate better we wouldn’t do that. But then she moved in with her brother and he has a male roommate. And he doesn’t respect boundaries that she is in a relationship. They hang out all the time because she doesn’t have a job and she will often do things with him and not even try to be done before we were planning to hang out. She has promised me that they are not doing anything physical and I trust her as much as I can.
So here is the part of the story that troubles me the most. At our last counseling session yesterday, she became unresponsive to me, we sat in the car, me driving, to our favorite restaurant to eat lunch, she not saying a word. We sat the entire time in the restaurant silently, I tried to engage her and she was stone cold. Then, we came back to my place, and she picked up her stuff and headed for the door. She wouldn’t have said a thing if I hadn’t said to her why are you leaving and are you coming back? All she could say was ‘I don’t know’. The last thing I said was ‘I love you’ with no reply as she slammed the door.
I am feeling hopeless at this point. She has not communicated with me, and I feel like she has had it. I love this woman more than I can say. She means more to me than even my own life. I feel like I cannot go on. I feel like pouring my entire soul out into a book. I feel like I can’t leave my room. I feel like everything is pointless. Food has no taste anymore and simple tasks are impossible. I don’t know what to do. My life is nothing without her.
46 comments
Most women are utterly useless these days. Self centered spoiled little cunts. I bet you suppress a ton of anxiety the first you talked to her. It’s hard approaching a stranger you are attracted too.
Women have much easier social lives then men.
Nobody wants to fuck us, open the door for us, buy us dinner or cuddle us unless we have $$$. Don’t talk to that useless count. I know your in pain but the majority of it stems from being alone again. I’m sure there are parts of this girl that are awesome but who wants to be with someone who you constantly have to try and engage, I doubt she rarely was the one to initiate sex, am I right? Was the one too kiss you first?
I’ve felt the way you feel right now for years now, it’s called being a man. Hence the differents between men and women.
:-/
I’ll 2nd that, SS.
Lately that is true. She said she has very low libido which I thought was because she is depressed. But who knows. Maybe she just wants he other guy and doesn’t want me anymore.
I really thought we were working through our problems. I didn’t want it to end. I certainly didn’t want it to end like this, no communication, no warning. Just walking out and saying absolutely nothing. I have no closure. I am just dead inside. I don’t know how I’m going to go to work tomorrow…
Let alone pursue anything meaningful
Right. Females are the problem. Not “human personalities.”
OMGZ, men can be like what you described too!
Whaaaat?
Males don’t get it unless they’re gay. Men seem perfect to other men until they want them to love/f**k them.
I’ve had conversations with so many men and women about their relationships that I KNOW that emotionally there is pretty much no difference between males and females. If you keep thinking with an “us versus them” attitude, I can guarantee you will NOT have successful relationships. You have to consider other people as “human” and not as “dicks or tits.” Yes, society may have different expectations of males and females sometimes (which might superficially reflect on our physical appearances), but inside we all share a similar consciousness.
I agree. We are all the same.
I (predictably) disagree. Our situations are UTTERLY different. My mother has spent her entire adult life living off my father’s wages. For much of their relationship, she has been verbally abusive towards him. It’s only recently, after that was pointed out to her, that I’ve even heard her say anything nice about him. He has been devoted to her the entire time, to the extent that he will side with her over me.
If I told this story to the average woman, her reaction would be that he should man up. Not that my mother had done anything wrong.
THAT is the difference. People take this kind of arrangement for granted.
It’s like when you go on dating sites and see fat, ugly-AF, ignorant women listing their requirements for potential suitors like spoilt little brats.
Men, meanwhile pathetically send pictures of their junk or heap praise on that waste of space of a person in the hope of being chosen.
Don’t pretend this dance doesn’t go on across the world.
I feel like she no longer wants to do things with me. Choosing to do them with him. Doing things that we planned to do. It breaks my heart
Lol, this is extemely relatable to me although I haven’t had a long term relationship for a good while now, my relationships are short lived and always messy.
But I very recently was in a relationship, and it started pretty well, I opened up fully to this person and I trusted every word they said.
Though with time it started to feel like they never made an effort and eventually I was hit by a wall of silence, in the end I had to leave her because she was just straight up ignoring me and it was driving me insane, she literally ignored me for an entire week but was interacting with other people.
I had to save myself from such torment, and I’m still looking for closure, I never did anything wrong and I know that as a fact.
But I can’t get a response from her, why things turned out like that,
As much as it drives me crazy not knowing why, there is nothing I can do except try to push it away and move on with my life.
Some people, no matter how much you love them, really aren’t worth your time.
Some people, no matter how genuine and trustworthy they seem, are nothing but decitful inconsiderate and selfish, even those who have experienced all kinds of suffering themselves, you’d think they’d know better then to hurt others but they don’t.
Thank you for your helpful reply. It is good to read that others feel the way I do.
I disagree with your last paragraph. My stance is that everyone is in a different place on their journey. Some people have not yet learned the lessons that they need. When each of you is no longer on similar paths, you will go your separate ways… but if you didn’t learn your lesson from that person, it will keep coming back to you in the form of other people and situations. So, it’s good to be as self-aware, observant, and non-judgmental as possible in order to save yourself more pain in the future. You think you didn’t make mistakes in your relationship? Wrong answer. Think deeper. š
The only mistake i made in said relationship was fully opening up and putting any kind of trust in said person.
The only thing i did wrong was give out love that i guess was never wanted.
The entire situation does not make any sense to me, Before we committed to anything i made sure she was fully aware of the type of person i am and the things i deal with on a daily basis.
Everything was fine, then out of nowhere she turned her back on me, stopped reading my texts, just completely isolated me from her life, i went to a friend i knew had contact with her and he confirmed she was selectively choosing not to read any of my messages nor reply to anything i had said in multiple places.
I don’t even care what reasoning she had, maybe she fell out of love, maybe she found someone else, maybe she was just sick of being in a relationship? any of these responses would have been far better for my mentality, but ignoring someone who has done nothing but pour their heart and soul into you? not giving them any kind of closure so they can move on with their thoughts and life?
Just closing a door without a single word?
I’m sorry but i can and won’t ever understand how anyone could do such a thing to someone who hasn’t done anything excessively “bad” maybe i did something she didn’t like but nothing to excuse such response and behavior, i will admit it has made me a little bit bitter, and damaged my will to trust and love others.
I try to keep friendships even when love dies, that is the type of person i am, so i am fully aware that people may need to move on into a different path in their life that doesn’t revolve around me being in it in the way that i wanted.
And i am not hurt that she left, it is the way that she left and the way she treated me as she left.
I always thought that neither of us would do what she has done. I thought we could work through our problems. I guess neither of us is mature enough to work through it. I know I have made mistakes too and I have been trying to work on hem just like she is. I just thought that she was as devoted and in love with me as I am with her.
Believe me we are not all the same this is only a women’s perspective, women have a vagina’s not penises. Simple biology. With different sexual organs come different responsibilities and differences benifits.
Your girlfriend who walked out on you if she’s in decent shape and has good hygiene doesn’t have to put any effort into finding another partner. If she’s sees something she likes all she has to do is walk up to him and Hello and the male will catch on and do the rest.
This is the fundamental difference between men and women, women just have to be attractive while men has to attract a female weather with money or their personalit, being good in bed. These days women seem to want all three.
Women are always more likely to end the relationship if it isn’t working the way they like, they know another one is just around the corner.
Kinda, but what you’re forgetting is that the challenge for women is making guys stick around.
It’s hard for guys to get laid, but it’s hard for women to make guys stick around.
Ever notice how clingy some women get once you’ve done something with them? Pulling on your arm like you were a f***ing purse?
Still, I basically agree with you. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to better your circumstances simply by sleeping your way to the top.
women will tell you were all equal in today’s society that we share the responsibilitys these days but this doesn’t change the social structure of society and the fact that women are still women.
I’ll give another example, a married women is more likely to be hit on they a married man. Why?
These days to be honest with you all I see so many beautiful girls in the city where I live, these girls are so gorgeous and there are so many of them and I just get sad inside when I see them. They know I know there beautiful, they know there beautiful, they know they can have anyone they want. These girls are spoiled, there socially retarded and over stimulated. They are girls not women. Women are very rare these days. Sometimes what you think you’ve your Women but it’s just another girl.
She didn’t even have the moral fiber to come clean and tell you she was cheating on you? That’s a jerkish thing to do.
Do you think she cheated on me even though she said she didn’t?
It doesn’t matter what we think – we have no way of knowing.
But my guess would be that if she’s spending an inordinate amount of time with another guy while your relationship is on the rocks, it’s probably not 100% platonic. But who knows?
The point is she was probably looking for something she could not find in your relationship. And the only thing you can do to keep someone from doing that is be a better partner. And if they do it anyway, break up with them. You can’t force someone to be faithful to you.
Anyway, it’s hardly relevant now, the point is you need to smarten up. Women basically want guys who are effective – have their shit together. That’s it. They don’t want hopelessly sentimental guys who put them on a piedestal, and they don’t want paranoid assholes who won’t let them go anywhere alone either. They just want normal, healthy guys who have their shit together.
thematinggrounds.com
goldsnac, I think whether she cheated (intimacy) doesn’t matter. The minute she started prioritizing the other guy over you, she made it clear that she wasn’t as dedicated as you were to her. I know you invested a lot of emotion and time into her, and you probably had some great times before, but it sounds like she treated you like dirt in the end and that’s what counts. Think of her as a politician who promised lots of good stuff so you voted for her, but ultimately she turns out to be a self serving twat. It sucks because you were played, but a rational person would move on and vote for someone else next time. Emotions get the best of us with relationships, the best you can do is try to reason with yourself but I know it’s easier said than done. I’ve been in a similar situation before and whenever I started getting sad I would just remind myself,
PS to all the misogynists trying to derail this thread to be about your own personal rants about how you think women have it easy and it’s “us vs them”, hey show a little respect for the person who posted this thread and keep it on topic. The topic isn’t “the difference between vaginas and penises”, it’s about heartbreak which is pretty gender-nonspecific last time I checked.
*somehow half a paragraph got lost. Should say: whenever I started getting sad I would just remind myself, if I met her today knowing what I know now, would I fall in love with her? The answer being hell no.
Do you think she is worth fighting for? E.g. I go over there and tell this guy she’s spending time with that she’s mine? My guess is no. It just angers me so much that he could so easily take her. Don’t I mean anything?
Dude SHE made that decision. She’s not an object you can reclaim. The best thing you can do is have an awesome life, forget about her, find someone better.
goldsnac like I said yeah I’ve been there so I know exactly what you’re saying and there’s no easy answer. I ended up going back and fighting for her, but I realized later I wasn’t really fighting for her, I was fighting to save my pride whatever that’s worth. A little bit of revenge too (again related to pride). It was all a big waste of time.
But I’m going to pull a 180 on you and ask: do you think she’s a good person underneath it all? Hell, we all make mistakes. Maybe she is just interested in the novelty of this new guy showering her with attention (wouldn’t you be if some new girl appeared in your life and thought you were the greatest?). Maybe she just needs to realize what she’s losing if she gives you up. See that’s why I hate the “girls are bitches” attitude because for all we know she’s a good person who is just straying. Thing is, only you can answer that.
Here’s what I would do… don’t give up on her yet. But keep a distance and watch her. If it looks like she’s really done with you, then problem solved she’s history. If it looks like she’s unhappy with the new guy, then maybe she just made a big mistake. That’s when you go back and fight for her. For HER, not for your own pride like I did.
Yea and you’re right, what really hurts is the way she can move on so fast, like it erases everything you poured your heart into. You sound like a really smart, analytical guy. Even though this must be hell, you’re not losing your cool. I bet if you keep thinking this through without acting on impulse, you’ll come up with the right course of action. I’m not just saying that to ditch your question. I really think you got a handle on this better than you know.
Her comes the thought police…
@thomas89
I like your idea of standing back and waiting to see what she does. And you are right. I have to fight for her not for my pride. That is what I am going to do.
Hey that’s awesome. Another benefit of stepping back: she’s probably expecting you to come chasing after her, and when you don’t she’ll be forced to ask herself why. Maybe then she’ll realize what she did wrong. Good luck man, keep us posted if there are any developments.
I will definitely keep the community posted. Support is the best way to get through these things
Take the plans and the good times you had with her and do everything solitary! You can always go it alone.
I plan to. I’m going to get my health back. Get a better job and start working toward the plans we had for us only it will be just me succeeding and getting to where I’m going.
Update, I broke up with her, since her leaving was not a clear break up in my opinion but it was a sign that it was just not going to work. I couldn’t wait any longer it was too painful. I got support from my friends and I think this is the right decision.
Thank you all for your support.
This is the hardest thing I have had to do. I’m feeling so wrong now. Like I made the wrong choice. But other parts of me know it is the right choice.
Everything happens for a reason. And if she’s meant to be in your life, she’ll find her way back to you. I know it will all work out š
Thank you Birdy.
I feel like so many things about her fit me very well but now is just not the best time for us to be together. I discussed this with her and she agrees. At least at this point we both think that we could get back together but only after a break. But who knows how long that will be.
“I plan to. Iām going to get my health back. Get a better job and start working toward the plans we had for us only it will be just me succeeding and getting to where Iām going.”
That can’t be wrong. It’s probably the only clearcut ‘right’ thing to do in this situation. I’m sure you probably feel like crap second guessing yourself but give it a minute to sink in. Hit the gym and workout like a madman and eat right. I’ve found after a breakup it’s great to focus on your appearance and make yourself look awesome, as superficial as it is. That helps deflect feelings of low self esteem and the post breakup urge to feel sorry for yourself. Also remember nothing is final, she could (and ought to) come back apologizing. But either way, this is your chance to reinvent yourself Mr cool haha
Thank you Thomas89. All good things
Oh Thomas, everything men is for vagina’s, it’s biology that drives us, cuddling is just a bonus.
Like I said, women just have to be attractive, men have to attract them, the latter requires much more work.
If all men thought like you, it would make me especially happy to be single and very skilled at rejecting people. š
But SOME people out there actually enjoy conversation with like-minded individuals, not just body parts! Imagine that.
(You’ll grow up and learn in your own time.)
P. S never get back together with someone after a ‘Break’.
Believe girls don’t sit at home, she’ll be out hunting. Forget her. š MGTOW
Yeah cuz all men and women are desperate ho’s after they break up with people. If they don’t get laid ASAP they’ll fade away and die. (Makes perfect sense.)
@DeadHeart, isn’t that just called a rebound phase? Like…why does an ex going out with other guys after a breakup = don’t get back together with her??
It’s not the smartest or most wonderful thing to do, but I know I’m a ho after a bad breakup. I’d expect a girl to feel the same way…
It’s a self-esteem issue. You feel unloved so you want someone new to show you that you’re not that bad and that you’re still likable. Do you actually care about the other party, no.
So yeah, as per earlier experiences, I now avoid rebounds. I already know it’s going nowhere, even if it might be flattering to be thought of as desirable.
But if YOU believe that about yourself, you will always be desirable and an awesome person, so you don’t need anyone to “confirm” that for you… and then subsequently destroy you by telling you that they don’t love you or give a shit about you after all.
So what? You love yourself, you know you’re cool, and eventually maybe, if you want it, you’ll meet someone who doesn’t want to play games and who matches your maturity level and shares common interests with you, and the two of you can just be chill and fabulous and have fun (and solve issues) together for as long as your relationship lasts.
Or you’ll stay alone and be completely fine.
(Ok, I haven’t lived long enough yet to verify this one.)