I always wanted it to be quiet and a secret so it would not leave a negative impact on anyone.
But, I hesitated a lot before my first attempted and they caught me.
Now everyone know about it.
Doing it feels harder because I do not want to hurt them. I saw how bad that affected them.
One day it felt so hard to resist and it was a successful one, anyone would think that iam just sleeping. Unfortunately, I did not realize that i had school on that day, my mom came to wake me for school and i woke up 4 days later to find out that its not the afterlife.
After surviving, I realized that my family were crying and praying for me everyday. But i feel worst because am making them worry about me all the time. They are always concerned and worried that they might lose me.
I really want to leave. It is like I am waiting for their permission to be dismissed, which I know I will never receive.
Not sure what am seeking after writing this, but I just want to let it off my chest.
***Apologize about my bad English.
3 comments
I understand, I’ve spoken to my mom about my depression and she always gets worried about me since she knows how dark it’s been for me. Yesterday night, I was down in our basement area and she came downstairs to see what I was doing. I had the biggest urge to hang myself, but I don’t have the guts to do it so I just sat there and wrote the beginnings of a short story. She asked what I was writing and I told her nothing. She then snatched the piece of paper from my hands while I laughed telling her that it was a stupid story and that she shouldn’t worry. She thought I was writing a suicide note. She read through my sloppy handwriting, and then her mind eased. She went back upstairs, and I stayed downstairs, crying, Alone in a chair.
i let my tears flow down, as waves of pain came over me.
I know that my death will crush her hard, but its selfish of anyone to want to keep me alive while my existence is so horrid to me. I know that my death will finally bring peace to me.
Yeah right your mom will snoop around and grip you chained to this earth like the claws of death so………. good luck
Bitches got HUGE MOUTHS