I’m incredibly, unbearably empty. I can’t remember what a real laugh feels like. I can’t even remember what an orgasm feels like. I’m not sure it would be safe to escape this hole either. I might just find myself anywhere from breaking out in tears to committing murder or suicide.
Well, suicide is inevitable anyway. I’m really just waiting for the day I’m completely and utterly alone and nobody would miss me, out of common courtesy. A few scars on my wrist, a weak attempt at suicide. Only one, a second attempt that I live to talk about would be a great failure. I’ve researched thoroughly and I know exactly how to do it. If I do hit that 0.1% chance and survive, hopefully I won’t have the brain power remaining to realise it. Then again, that wouldn’t be too far from where I am right now. Just a walking corpse.
Don’t get me wrong either, I don’t feel bad about this whole thing, I think I actually enjoy it. I take care of the self loathing and it takes care of me. Together we stride to my Final Exit.
I only have to wait.
4 comments
How are you planning on doing it if i may ask?
I too, feel numb and empty. It has overwhelmingly taken over my life. Now i’m just watching days pass, doing nothing, feeling even less.
I do believe this site, and the law, disallow the discussion of methods. However, for educational purposes, I’ve found this site to be a helpful example. http://lostallhope.com/suicide-methods/statistics-most-lethal-methods
I ve done it few weeks ago.
At 8:00am It was peaceful, quiet. And almost succeful.
But, unfortunatly i had school at that same day.
Mom came to wake me at 9:00 as i was late. She does not normally check on me. I just have a very bad luck.
I survived after a 4 days coma and a week of recovery and i spent 3 more weeks in a psychward.
Now, its kinda hard to do it again because they are all alarmed and had their eyes wide open to watch over me. 🙂
It truly is incredible how peaceful you are when you know it’s happening. I took 300 pills (getting them down was unpleasant to say the least) and I was completely ready and at peace. Unfortunately, I spent the night throwing them back up and the most hopeless I’ve ever felt was just waking up the next morning. I had deliberately taken to the streets for this attempt and due to the exorbitant prices of medication I couldn’t afford rope the next day.