Years have now passed since that fateful time
Yet those moments still haunt me within memories I cannot forget
Ignorance at the fact and of those events
Do little to quell the emotions within
At once the fuel to the rage and fire blackening my soul
Now strengthens and guides my resolve
“Don’t look back in anger” nor let it seep into the path ahead
But let it be a part in forging the roads on which you shall travel tomorrow
Those words left unspoken should be etched on my grave
Carried to my death and burdening until the end
A centrepiece of dream scapes and many a restless night
Unable to silence nor suppress the urge to relent
Words left unspoken in fear of what I do not know
Yet inside the knowledge is already there
Here I will remain wasting away into the nothingness from which I came
There in the distance she will forever live on
Four courses down, four more to go. Barely holding it together as is thanks to the constant migraines. No time (or strength) for anything but studying and trying to look after myself. I was strong at the end of last year. Now… I’m just another fat ****. Haven’t socialised in donkey’s years, and don’t plan on doing so either.
I don’t like watching my country fall apart, rampart with poverty and suicide. A few weeks back I observed a young fella not much younger than myself digging through the bins outside the local KFC as his friends watched on; hopeful for a bite to eat. This was in the middle of the busiest road in the country, adjacent to a large shopping complex. If I wasn’t on the bus, I’d have offered to buy them something. But seeing that, and many other examples during this year… The young, the old… Men, women, and even children…
That’s not to comment on the number of suicides either. We have the worst youth suicide rate in the “developed” world, and yet these idiots down here still wonder why. Huh. That last bit in and of itself is one reason why — perhaps even the reason why. Whilst everyone else is wondering “why, oh why?”, folks such as myself are already sending tiny bits of our brain skyward.
If I commit suicide now, it’s because I know and understand in both heart and soul that I cannot continue to contribute in any meaningful way. Not because I’m lonely, or sick of my gammy leg and the constant migraines. My own self worth is measured by what I can contribute to others, and whether or not it impacts them in a positive way. But given today’s society and the virtue of “instant gratification”, that matters very little in a world where the power of one supersedes that of the empowerment of many.
Another thought: In recent weeks I’ve found myself plagued by thoughts of those from my past. I’ve made mention of them here many times through my old posts. One in particular I had told myself I’d contact again if ever I managed to get back on my feet and ensure I was in a good place. As luck would have it, this person has begun to haunt my dreams these past few weeks and it’s really starting to bug me. I do think, however, that this is a good thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re reading this post right now.
With an election in a month’s time and no end in sight for my country’s suffering, I find myself disheartened at the slightest thought of this nation’s ills. Voting out the liberals and bringing back the leftist idiots who failed to secure social reforms and institute proper economic stimuli won’t solve any issues. Nor will keeping those liberal bastards in power for that matter. The Westminster style of government is a sight better than that constitutional republic you Spams have to suffer with; but it doesn’t help that we have the same idiots in power half way across the world as you fellas do.
…the fuck am I talking about anyway — I don’t even vote.
If it ever comes to pass that I jump ship to the land of smelly drop bears and horrible taste in alcohol (not to mention terrible pricing), and I do happen to put myself on a stable footing, able to contribute to the community around me — I might just be happy with that. If that doesn’t happen though… Well, let’s just wait and see, eh?
Tomorrow will come, and with it she’ll bring her own set of problems. Men and women of all ages will continue to opt-out of this frightful life. The streets and those who live off of them and the refuse they supply will remain an afterthought of all who travel by their domain. But today, as with most days in this sick nation that I call home; it’s just another day in paradise.