I cant remember the last time i looked at my self in the mirror. Sure i brush my teeth and show daily, but its really hard for me actually look at myself in the mirror. Every now and again ill try to look myself in the eye. Usually i can’t last more than few moments before i’m overwhelmed with disgust and this feeling of disappointment and anger overtakes me. What hurts the most in these moments is that ive become so adept at faking the smile, i even fool myself. Sometime i can go a few days, pretending everything is gonna be ok. Most everybody that i know see me in a totally different light. To most of my friends i’m the “happy go lucky” guy. My coworkers even say that cant wait to interact with me because i give them a reason to smile at work. If they only knew what was going on inside my head. If i, only knew what was going on inside my head. i’ve made it 9 months since the last time. one day at a time right?
1 comment
I totally understand about looking yourself in the eye. It’s like seeing the inner truth, the real you and can be frightening.
Living behind the mask is what most of us do to get along. It helps us survive out in the world I guess.
Living one day at a time sounds like a plan. Focus on the now and try to quell the sabotaging mind. Good luck.