A serious question about life.

Seriously I think you just solved your problem, the drugs are screwing you up royally. I go through extremes of heavy drugs/drink/junk food and no drugs/water only/raw food). I’ll give you 1 guess which extreme makes me want to kill myself and which makes me embrace life with a deep understanding. Unfortunately due to my work, I have to take drugs to stay on society’s schedule (uppers to work, then downers to sleep) and that snowballs into heavy abuse and suicidal depression. Then I hit rock bottom and clean up my act, get healthy and see that life is truly full of possibilities. Until work forces me back into darkness. Repeat.

You my friend seem to have been stuck in darkness mode since birth, fed a long string of drugs that have probably altered your mind so much you don’t know the real you. But it’s never too late to start cleaning up your act. I know it’s a huge undertaking, but just for the sake of experimenting, maybe try cutting out all drugs & processed crap for 1 week. Even the ‘harmless’ stuff like coffee, sugar and processed snacks. Aspirin, as far as I can tell, is ok because supposedly it’s derived from a plant and used by the ancient egyptians haha it’s so if you need to take it that’s fine. In your case you’ve been on drugs for so long I bet the effect of dumping them will be extreme and awesome. The greatest high you’ve ever known.

So I guess to answer your question, I think you’re onto something but reverse it: drugs are what keep life from NOT happening. Live more like the animals and nature and you might reconnect with your purpose and belonging in life.