I am leaving soon. I have to because if I wait much longer, I will become too apathetic to get it done. A few months ago, I felt anticipation at leaving and it made me feel almost happier. But that has faded. I think all of my raw emotions and desperation have been depleted to zero. And, all that is left is a growing numbness and disconnect from the world around me. All I feel is constantly exhausted and a heavy yet somehow hollow feeling in my stomach.
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“I felt anticipation at leaving and it made me feel almost happier” – I have felt the exact same. Once I decided that I want to go through with ending my own life I began to feel a sense of freedom. I started being nicer to people because I wanted them to remember be as a nice person. But it’s still fake and I couldn’t do that for a long period of time. I still want to get out. I wish you luck and hope you can find what you’re looking for. Let me know if you want to chat.
C h a t was the last word of my comment above
Thank you for reading my post and posting a response. I am so, so, very alone. There are only two people in the world that would notice i am gone. I know that i should be grateful for them, and i wish their happiness was enough to keep me from doing this, but it isn’t.