101613 Aug 17 (I drafted this earlier today)
– Innovation and Information Technology Management course completed. Pass mark of 92% with four submissions made to community discussion forum. Handouts/transcripts deemed essential to maintaining the knowledge gained from this course have been stored via cloud storage.
– Tomorrow (Friday) slated as rest day. Rolling refresh of foodstuffs and hygiene products to be made at local supermarket.
– Headaches still… problematic. Continuing to manage with strong pain relief and adequate rest. No remarkable change in either symptoms or relief.
– Serviceability checks to be conducted on Mossberg shotgun, Gerber LMF II knife, and field equipment. These have not been serviced in a sustained period of time.
– Next training courses to be conducted: QPR Foundational (Suicide Prevention), Google Analytics, Supply Chain Management. Possibly others.
The irony of a suicidal idiot training to prevent others from taking their own lives… Mein Gott!
I don’t like hiding behind this façade of mine. But I know the people around me wouldn’t be able to comprehend what I’m really like. Y’all know what I’m like, so that’s all good. It’s rather difficult trying to sustain some semblance of a social life however, but it’s not an actual priority at this time.
I took a double dose of pain meds @ 1116 hours this morning; it’s now 0043 hours and I’m still in rolling waves of good feelings. No headaches, no other pain issues. Yet I can’t go on forever like this. It’s what I’ve been reduced to, and I’ll never like that fact. It wouldn’t be too hard to overdose on these bloody things seeing how powerful they are… but I’ve still got a job to do.
I need a dose of civilisation tomorrow, ‘fore I forget how miserable things really are out there. I have some clothing to donate to the Salvation Army, along with a few other odds and ends which someone may find useful. Savemart (recycled clothing outlet) should have changed their stock since the last time I was there back in January. Wouldn’t mind getting my hands on a nice black trench coat, and maybe another scarf. Mm… Maybe the Middle Eastern store would have a few shemagh in stock — my old green/black one has bloody had it. I should probably shave as well…
I’d have liked to visit the ranges once more, possibly camp out on the trail again. That Avison girl opted out not too far from where I usually tramp through. Back in February… a couple years younger than me… working a job she did well at, with friends/family who seemed to care about her. Still didn’t stop her from shooting herself though. I saw pain in her eyes, much like I did with W.
Three years now. Time sure does fly… Couldn’t find the sister down in Upper Hutt either. Wouldn’t even know what to say. Best left unsaid I reckon. Still have the picture she sent me, still have the herald with her picture on it. Still hear her voice in my head when things get too quiet:
“I don’t know what to do…”
“Uh, an honest attempt [at getting better]? What d’you think I’ve been doing for the past twelve years?!”
“…that means you’re a good person… and you have a heart”.
I wish you were right about that, W.
Time for sleep. On a slowly deflating, inflatable mattress, in the dark corner of a marginally warm room.