Hello. Man I’m feeling oddly nostalgic about being back here. He says after being gone for a little over three months. I mean I’ve only been around for a little more than a year, but by this point you can kind of see the routine this forum generates. It’s just kind of a hole where misery and anger festers. Of course you always have the handful or so going around trying to give others advice and support and what not. They try their hardest but they can only do so much. Around here it’s always the same though. People just venting their suffering into this bottomless void. Well onto what I actually want to talk about. I’m completely fine being alone. I say this now, but give it a week or two and I’ll say the exact opposite. Right now it just seems to me that people are terrifying. Like trying to get what’s going on in their heads. I look around and everyone has this weird motive or underlying scheme. I mean you see it in highschool, and no doubt I’ll see it in college. People just seem psychotic that way. It makes me appreciative that I’m going to die alone. It’s sad yet simple. I don’t know. I mean all these posts are spitball ideas anyways. Thanks for listening if you are.
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2 comments
First point: you’re dead on with your description of this site. I try to avoid it as much as possible because it’s just a pit these days. I’ve only been here about a year, but I seem to remember more positive, even funny posts in the past, but those people stopped posting. That said, there’s still nowhere else on the internet I’ve found where you can be yourself without being judged. I think that’s why we keep coming back, even though the experience isn’t always productive.
Second point: being fine with being alone. Sounds like you’ve found a stable mindset so that’s great. It’s tricky though because when we base our solitude on fear (fear of others, fear of acting stupid, fear of being fake, etc), it sort of poisons the feeling. Know what I mean? It would be great to be some spiritual guru who chooses solitude for positive reasons only (becoming one with nature or whatever), but at least in my case, being alone is a result of running away. So even though I feel safe & secure alone in my apartment, I still feel the dark cloud of people around me. I feel like this could turn into outright paranoia, if it isn’t already. I’m not sure if humans are meant to be social animals or lone wolves, but I know in my case neither feels right.
That’s just the way high school is. It will be over before you know it. I hated high school too. College was way better!