Gas Lighted

I talked to my mom today about the things she did to me as a child. I first time I comforted her about her overprotected nature and why I am like this. She told that there was something wrong with me since before I was born, as a baby I wasn’t crying. She got defensive saying I won’t do another thing for me because she doesn’t want to be a helicopter mom. This time, I calmly told her “You never did anything wrong.”, then I pointed out her mistakes such as being hyper vigilance about everything. This lowers a child’s self-esteem. How she wanted me to get a worthless liberal arts degree, but later in life I realized that this is not what I wanted. If I didn’t do what she wanted, she would throw fits and worse hit me. She denied hitting me except for one time because I destroyed her room.

Okay, she denied hitting me, but then admits it. Alright.

She was about to deny hitting my brother, but then said that she did it because my brother would poop his pants? My brother was not known for pooping his pants. WTF! She would beat him over his grades all the time. Heck, even I got whipped for them a few times. I remember her admitting once that she would beat us because it made us behave. She goes to brother’s room, then asked if she did these things, but he remain silent. I didn’t hear him in the other room, then she came back and said see. As I exit the room, she said that she never beat me like a ****** like her daddy did.

Now I know I’m not going crazy. She did an example of narcissistic behavior, just all the youtube videos on narcissistic behavior explains. I believe that I was gas lighted. Afterwards she just looked upset like she was about to cry.