Lately I have become a hermit. I want to reach out and be friendly and make friends, but that hasn’t been the case in a long time. My long time friend was my only source of getting out of the house and letting me be myself. However, she has her own life and right now I am not apart of it. I am grateful being her friend but I know it’s time for me to get some new ones.
My first problem is that I am shy, and not the cute kind that is fantasized in books. No, I’m the kind that fumbles on my words and says the wrong things, which make conversations with me very awkward. So, I rarely ever get a second conversation with people.
Second problem, I live in a small town and I have burnt bridges with people back in high School. Not a big deal, until you realize that being in a small town means sometimes you deal with small minded people who hold grudges till the day they died. So people avoid me even if I have grown up now.
Third problem, I have a hard time keeping in contact with people at first. When I make a friend, I am not very good at keeping up at texting them. Once I established a better relationship with them, I make more of an effort. This is because I am so worried about bothering them with texting them that they will get pissed and leave, which causes them to leave any ways since I barely talk to them. Letting my own fear get in the way.
There is more to add on but then this rant would be the size of a novel and I just wanted a place to rant for a bit.
2 comments
Finding the balance when making new friends can be tricky. Hang back or forge ahead? I know the feeling. Maybe just leave it open and let them know that you are happy to hang out whenever or suggest a day to meet up.
I know the small town problem. Everyone knows everyone else and word travels fast. Best way to deal with that is keep your head below the parapet and think before you say anything controversial. Live carefully and self-censor. If that’s living.
Eh, sure you are just stressing too much, silly kid. I don’t want friends only chime in when I have something to say, usually they don’t chime back, but a friendship. No, not something I am interested iin.