….that I want to die. right now I am feeling somewhat numb, trying to stay afloat and just understand what everyone needs from me. I’ve been trying to work on having a future. Trying to live life and make the best of it all. It just isn’t quite working out. I have to depend on other people and they let me down. I can’t just do everything myself because otherwise i would. I keep thinking it’d be easier to be dead to be gone but part of me knows that’s just the sadness that grows inside me that keeps telling me this and I’m trying not to cry and give up and this struggle is so much. I don’t know what I expect from y’all. I don’t know anything really. I’m not sure if I’m worth all of this energy I keep putting into not dying. I don’t know if the ways that I help those around me really matters or if there is anything I should be doing differently. I don’t know what I want out of life and if it’s something that I can actually get. Everything feels so narrow and it’s just getting more narrow.