I feel like I’m not worth of anything or anyone

I’m a person who isolates myself from people for 6 years now. I started isolating myself when I was 14, because I was abused a lot, both physically and mentally, by my family, classmates and later teachers. I started being afraid of people at first and then got anthropophobia (pathological fear of people or human company). I can’t deny that it’s really lonely by yourself though no matter how much I try to remind myself that I’m better on my own. That no one can hurt me that way. But even though I’m so very scared of everyone I would like to find a friend or maybe even a boyfriend. But it’s not only my fear that’s keeping me from making contact with people. Whenever I try to talk to someone I have this thought/voice in my head: “What the fu — ck are you trying to do? Nobody cares about you, nobody wants to talk to you, nobody wants to even look at you, you disgusting piece of sh — it! Are you so dumb you can’t understand you’re not worth of anything? You have no right to bother anybody just because you’re unhappy. You shouldn’t be alive in the first place! What’s wrong with you?!” (something along those lines). So whenever I’m in a room full of people and I can’t get out (because I’m in school or something) I sit in a dark corner and try not to bother anyone. And no one really tries to approach me because who would want to approach such a freak. But a few months back someone approached me and I was really surprised because that usually never happens. And he was really nice and he didn’t seem to be the judging type. And we talked quite a lot and I came to like him. And he was always talking to me first and texting first and one time he asked me to start a conversation first, but even though I really wanted to, I felt bad about bothering him (even though I wasn’t really, but this voice doesn’t give me a break). And eventually he stopped talking to me (I know it’s my fault, he probably thought I was ignoring him… I’m such a monster…). And I want so bad to contact him but I can’t because I’m not worth of his friendship or anything more (and I don’t even know if he wanted anything more because I have no experience in such matters). He’s a really nice and smart person and he deserves a nice and normal girlfriend or friend, not someone like me.