I posted a few days ago, and here I am making another post. I’m almost 26 and I dread the moment I’ll be 30. I’ve been obsessing about it lately.
The reason I feel so scared is that I’m only getting older while still having done nothing in life. I’ve never had a career and all I’ve had is random jobs such as plastic factories and fast food. I’ve never had a girlfriend and never touched a girl. I gave up on my driver’s license after 5 failed tests.
I’m just extremely depressed and I don’t know what to do. I haven’t seriously considered suicide in a long time but now once again I find myself constantly fantasizing about how I’m going to kill myself and seriously considering it in order to avoid being even older and still such a failure. I’m not ruling out the possibility that I just might succeed one day in life, but let’s be honest, it’s highly unlikely, to the point that I believe there’s no hope for me. Even if I do manage to have a career or girlfriend at 30 or 35 or 40, what’s the point? Those are things I was supposed to do years ago. And now I’m falling behind big time.
Life doesn’t seem worth it to me anymore. I just can’t do my current fast food job anymore, but I can’t quit. My depression is getting in the way of everything. It’s a struggle to do anything at all.
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The struggle in this world is insane. I’m 21 and I know some people tell me I’m still too young but I understand completely. Looking around at the world at then looking at myself makes me want to take my gun (which I will hopefully have soon) out and put one right through my skull. Knowing how far behind I am to everyone else, knowing how little I’ve accomplished according to society. When I read posts like this I always have to reply because it hits close to home. Sadness, despair, hopelessness, guilt, anger, it all just builds up inside me. I stay alive really only for my family as I know they would be broken but I don’t really know how much more of it all I can keep it up.
I’m 27 and have been working in retail for about a decade. Retail was never what I wanted to do, but I didn’t go to school so it was really the only option I had at the time and I stuck in it. At 24, I moved up into leadership, and 26 into management. Earlier this year, I was given an amazing opportunity to work for one of the biggest media companies in the world, and I took it. I thought I was on top of the world and that I finally had a solid career. Well, things didn’t go so well. I couldn’t handle the pressure of the job and in between that and personal issues, I was fired after 5 months. The old retail store I worked at took me back, but only as part time and my pay was drastically cut. With that being said, I’m drowning in medical bills I can no longer pay for and I have a wife that wants to start a family I no longer could support. My point is.. you can either feel like you’ll never get to where you need to be, or you can get there and fall flat on your back. Either way, at any age, we all fall down. I’m 27 living with my in-laws working a part time retail job.. what a joke. But we have to keep fighting. We can’t give up, you can’t give up. Life will give you amazing opportunities when you least expect it, you just have to believe it. That’s easier said than done, especially coming from me. But you can do this.
Well you have management experience which can get you a better job. With my experience all I can get is another crappy minimum wage job. At least you have a wife, I don’t even know how to talk to girls.
I do have a certificate and I’m now studying web development on my own. My skills have gotten to a decent point and I can build a lot of cool stuff now that I can show to potential employers. I’ve also applied to a course at a company requiring the certificate that I have, that can potentially land me a job at the company (not web development, but at least something decent). However, I’ve applied to a few jobs at this company before and they never contact me back, so I’m afraid they won’t even for a course I’m qualified to start. My goal has been to eventually get a web developer job at some point, but it seems it’s simply not going to happen.
My life is completely worthless. I don’t know why I’m still alive. It seems for a few years now all I’ve been doing is seeing how long I can last. I’m such a failure. People like me shouldn’t be allowed to live and should be executed.
It might help to remember that there is no ‘should’. The idea that you should have done certain things by a certain arbitrary point in your life is based entirely on social convention. I know it’s hard to resist taking that upon yourself, but it really is up to you what you want to do with your time on this earth.
If you want a more fulfilling career, or a relationship, or to pass your test, then there may be things you can do to get there. It might take time, but progress will likely be quicker than you imagine, if obstacles can be removed. But whatever you do, try and drop the idea that it’s something that you ‘should’ be doing. Take that unnecessary pressure of yourself. Nothing magically changes at 30, or 35, or 40. From the moment we’re born our time is ticking away, slowly but surely. The only question is how you want to live in each moment.
I’m not touching 30. I am too innocent to become some old man. It would be a contradiction.