Should have could have would have

August 10th, 2017by müll

said the tired brain. You should have died, you could have died, you would have if you could go back and do it when you could have. Maybe I still can, I don’t know.

You’ve tried many times. I don’t blame you. I don’t think it’s your fault you’ve felt like you needed to end it so many times. Feel like your many attempts almost give me a right to try though. I wonder, why can’t I give it a try to end this if you have? It’s just a complete torrent of feelings and despair rn. Self harm didn’t help these last few days, which is something else I’m not supposed to do because it hurts you, and I’ve tried really hard not to. I don’t know how to deal with it other than to try to turn on the burners and sleep. See if that suffocates me in my sleep. I feel like I have to do something.

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