I write this letter with one goal in mind, and that is to say goodbye. I no longer wish to remain in this hell commonly known as life, and that is why I will be leaving you. I do not yet know when I will make my escape, but do not doubt that I will.
I understand how fortunate I am to have grown up under the circumstances that I did, and I fully realize how little right I have to feel so pitiful. Unfortunately, this does not change the fact that I am no longer able to bear the burdens that I’ve struggled to, for as long as I can remember.
I wish those who outlast me the strength to do what I cannot, and remain strong until the end.
Goodbye and good fortune,
Ronin no Seppuku
13 comments
Hopefully you are having a better life than I am right now. This is how my notes sounded when I initially wanted to die 5 years ago it has gotten SO SO SO SO SO much worse. So much so that I can’t even get up. So…. just don’t wait til it gets worse. You can’t stop it from getting worse but you can stop it before it gets worse
But honestly if you don’t go through with it, I just hope it doesn’t get worse for you.
Great name. So are you trying to say your suicide wouldn’t be an honorable one? I have to admit confusion…
My suicide will be honorable only in that it will the last time I hurt the ones I swore to protect. They have been wounded far too many times by my hand, whether directly or not, and I refuse to allow myself to harm them any further.
Hell, we all make mistakes. Do you think your leaving them will only hurt them more?
I am not so foolish as to believe they would not be hurt by my suicide; I know they will feel immense pain and grief when I leave. However, when I consider how much pain I have caused them in the relatively short span of my existence, I am fearful of just how much more I will cause in the future. When I weigh that against the pain they will feel from one admittedly selfish and pain inflicting action, the choice seems quite obvious.
So it’s safe to assume you’re pretty young. Still a teen…in your 20s? You’re really young…like just hope said: consider your experience as helpful. You’ll know how to handle things differently next time. Can you make amends with the person/people you say you’ve hurt? Consider getting help (sometimes it takes patience to find the right therapist). I really hope you reconsider this course of action.
@photographyismylife I don’t know if you’re still here or not, or even if you remember me at all, but I feel like you deserve to know that, for better or worse, I have yet to go through with my plan to kill myself, and I don’t quite know why that is, either…
Don’t do anything foolish. You might think you have done enough harm, and from your words, I can detect you probably did, but this is not a way of solving things.
You’ll cause more harm and probably other bad ideas. Please find help (I know, a cliche to say it).
Consider your experience as helpful. You can learn something from it and become a better version of you. Start meditating, do sports, write, draw, paint… do whatever helps you.
Just think again and look from every possible side you can. Don’t give up.
And by the way, I think you could succeed in writing. You have a special, beautiful way of saying things. The words you choose, it’s poetic.
Please, do think about it.
You needn’t worry for at least the foreseeable future, as it will take some time to sort my affairs, – as foolhardy as I must be, to wish to kill myself, I am not cruel enough to force the ones I care about to sort through my problems after I’m gone- and I intend to do so quietly so as to minimize the pain that I will inflict. I feel fairly confident in saying that I will still be alive, making preparations in three to four months at the earliest. This is, of course, barring any “happy accidents” rescuing me from this world before I can escape on my own.
Foolhardy? On the contrary. I see someone who is analytical and thoughtful. And depressed. I hope you find peace whatever path you choose. I also hope that in that 3-4 months you find it in your heart to forgive yourself.
I know I may not know you but I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. I´m planning on ending it sooner than later and the only reason I´m still here is for the lack of motivation for pretty much anything in life.
DUDE! This is TOTALLY ME! I hope you are able to heal and don’t do it. But the reality of things is that I too have simply lost my reasons to stay. 🙂 and that’s ok. I hope we can both pull through. Stuff is getting harder to deal with.