Unpleasant Feelings

August 16th, 2017by PrismaticGreyZone

The advice worked for me.

I saw this video a while ago and shortly after that, I had a huge fight with my mom and in the first half of it, I remembered this video and decided to try the advice to stay present for the unpleasant rush of feelings but at the same time I emotionally detached myself from the fight to observed it in 3rd person; I was basically being the referee of my own fight. I observed my own feelings as well as hers and tried to understand her perspectives. During the fight, I kept asking myself, why, why do I feel this way? why does she feel this way? Because when you’re in a heated argument, you often don’t analyze the details but instead let your darkest emotions lead it, nonstop screaming and preaching self-pity, fighting so hard to defend yourself just as the other person but when you’re aware of what you’re feeling and question it, you realize the hidden point of the argument; your own faults (how your words effect the other, cause and effect) and misunderstandings between both parties. Once I realized all that, I stopped crying and letting my emotions control me but instead I started to control it and because I realized she was misunderstanding me, I ended up stepping back from the anger, toned down my voice and tried to understand her as well as trying to get her to understand me without accusing her of her faults because when all you’re doing in an argument is accusing the other person, they’re more prone to not listen to what you have to say and become more aggressive in defending themselves and that’s usually how arguments and fights would end badly only to fuel the next one.

One thing will always remain true, you can’t change others, you can only change yourself and influence others through your actions. It’s ultimately up to the other person to change or not and that’s why it’s important to be more mindful of yourself instead of others. Criticize and analyze yourself more instead of others and you’ll start to understand how to handle other people when they can’t handle themselves because understanding your own emotions can help you understand others better.

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