I have almost everything i need but i dont have happieness. I have a girlfriend that is carrying my baby, i get paid enough so really not lacking any money!
But i have depression and its now taking over more than i was a year ago. I did go to therapy but its so god damn expensive so i quit that but went to a doctor instead and got meds for the depression, at first it was working but after 3-4 months it wasn’t working and i felt bad and i tried my first suicide very recently by overdozing. I was suppose to take 75 mg a day but maximum was 400 mg but first i took 14 pills (700 mg) but it didnt work so i did it again the next day but 16 pills (800 mg) all i was hoping that it would make a hole in my stomace and it would be late to fix it but it didnt work!
I was in canada with my parents when i did this and after the second attempt i told them and my girlfriend!
Now im more depressed then ever and all i wanna do is die quick and painlessly. I know i will be doing some damage to my girlfriend and my parents and siblings but theyr pain will heal in time and my unborn child wouldnt have to know how i died! It would be better that way instead of dragging them down with me!
there are only 3 ways i can end myself and that is either hang myself, jump or leave everything behind with no money or anything exept for enough food to get far away until noone can find me and ill freeze to death!
ps. Im sorry about my english
3 comments
It’s the world we live in. Unhappiness requires distractions and distractions are expensive. Look towards creating your future around what you enjoy in life, around your family, and being able to show your child that he or she can do anything and succeed in this world. The world made by the powers that be sucks. They’re a bunch of sociopathic a holes that want your “soul”. Don’t let them win, learn how to create the provisions of life on you’re own and teach that to those you care about.
I cant create a future where there is none. The only true future is death so why not join him?
Be careful about taking too many pills. You will probably survive and may cause yourself more physical health issues than you have now. Taking off and disappearing from everyone in your life will cause them prolonged pain.
If money is not an issue for you perhaps therapy/help is worth pursuing? You may need to find a mix of treatment that works for you.