Addictions, addictions everywhere

September 15th, 2017by Kairi Mitzou

We often hear about addicts to drugs, alchohol, cigarettes, hell, even sex.

Less often do we hear about those people who find themselves obsessed..and truly addicted.. to fast food.

I’m one of those people.

I’m talking literally selling my body for money to pay for my fucking McDonald’s and Wendys addiction.

It’s not like alcohol for me. I can and do go days and weeks without a drink, by choice. When I drink, I drink as I please. I don’t get piss drunk anymore, I don’t blackout. My tolerance is definately up there for a woman of my age, and I never ever get sick. I’m more likely to piss the bed, and that’s only happened on nights long ago when I would get wasted with my old friends. It isn’t the same. The burproprion I was prescribed to treat my depression has even helped kicked my cigarette smoking habit. I used to smoke weed by choice daily. Now I hardly ever do.

Even last night when I left around 11 to go and get my fucking Wendys meal I felt sick to my stomach. Like I didn’t even want it, but I did anyway. I didn’t get as much as I usually do, either. But I still fucking bought it. I still ate it.

I have a fucking problem. I don’t know what to do about it. It’s not like I can just walk into a rehab center and say “Hi, I’m addicted to bacon cheeseburgers and frys, can I get some help please?” …right?

& When I see the shit some people post on social media about people who are fat and how some of them are just like so ignorant and judgemental.. it upsets me.. because they don’t even know or care what some people go through. Nobody WANTS to be unhealthy and overweight.. and yeah, most of the time it is their fault and they bring it on themselves, but do the people criticizing them ever think or even care as to maybe why? Probably not lol. I know I do for several reasons. First and foremost, the fact that I dwell and slink around in my black thundercloud I describe as major depression each and every day, it makes me crave it. For some reason I am COMFORTED when I indulge. For a short time. Then I look at myself in the mirror and hate myself even more. Secondly, processed foods literally contain addictive CHEMICALS, ok, so that is probably a huge factor, probably should the first, really. And of course, I enjoy the taste. I enjoy tasting greasy, salty fucking garbage in my mouth. Thinking about cancer isn’t enough to make me stop, thinking about heart disease doesn’t make me stop, nor does slaughtered animals or the sight of my body slowly becoming a sludge pile. It’s so fucked up the lengths I’m willing to go. I refuse to steal, instead I just offer myself up to my ex boyfriends. I know. I’m disgusting. What can I fucking say? I’m Randy from fucking Trailer Park Boys.

When the fuck is this going to be over?

Why do I have to be such a fucking gross, miserable, pitiful mess?

 

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