Afraid of the Dark

When I was young I used to be terrified of the dark

I had a good imagination, but only used it to picture the grotesque and vicious monsters that could attack me

I used to fear going to bed, because even though my parents didn’t believe me, I knew the monsters were there waiting for

I had a lamp which I left on, and when it was dark, it was my best friend.

While that feels like many years ago, not all that much has changed

I fear the dark, but in a different way

My mind stills conjures images of horrible monsters, but now they are different

They are the pain in my stomach that I fear will get worse

They are some simple words someone said to me, that exited their mouth so effortlessly yet dug into my flesh so painfully

They are the social event I feel I have to go to, where I fear the people there will see me the way I do

They are the silent judgement of others, which somehow manages to deafen.

These monster loom over me, trapping me, blocking out the light

That is why I still fear the darkness

It isn’t because I worry there are monsters hiding in the darkness

It’s because I know they are the darkness.