I stumbled across this site looking for an answer to the question…am I broken? Like a child’s toy left in the street, crushed by the passing traffic. I can relate to all of the posts on this site. Does that mean we are all just broken? Perhaps not. Perhaps we are just highly sensitive to the world around us. Globally we see nothing but death and destruction. Locally we see neighbors who enjoy causing pain to other neighbors and for what? What kind of sick individual enjoys bringing grief to another? This is the world we live in.
I often dream of how the world would look without humans. It seems the plants and animals live with nature yet humans live against nature. We build bombs that could destroy all life on this planet we call Earth. We build factories and vehicles that pollute the air we breath. We solve problems with violence and hate when love and understanding would have worked just as well. Why are humans so violent? We preach of peace but hate is always the first reaction. It could take me forever to make a good friend yet it would take me all of two seconds to make a bitter enemy. Why?
I try to walk the path of peace but the hatred is always there screaming for attention. I lie awake at night trying not to hate but I still do. What is it that I hate? I hate what humans have become. I hate what I have become. In human form I see and feel all of the violence and rage in society and it makes me physically and mentally sick. If I could kill myself I would but I can’t. Killing myself would only bring me back as someone even more sensitive and more sickened by what I see. You can not escape Earth until the lesson is learned.
Let’s talk about the good people in this world. Those who risk their lives to save others. Those who volunteer to help the sick, the poor, the animals. It’s not fair for me to say that all humans are broken…or is it? Even the nicest person on Earth could be driven to hate given the right circumstances. If someone hurts a person you love only a true saint would not feel anger, hatred towards the offending person. So is the duality of the human.
God or devil…what are we? Evil and good. Light and dark. Imperfection and chaos rules this place we call Earth. The average human lives in blissful ignorance to the madness and hence contributes to the fall of society. I highly doubt the idiot masses have any idea that they are living at the edge of the abyss. They slop through life causing nothing but irritation and grief. They breed and spawn more of the same filling the bucket of Earth with nothing but shit. And what happens to the highly sensitive among us? What happens to those who live on the fringe of society? We see, hear and feel everything that is wrong with the world and it screams in our heads like the Banshee’s of Hell.
Depression, guilt, sadness, suicidal tendencies. This is not who we are…this is what society has made us. We are not here on Earth living as humans to experience nirvana. The human experience is a temporary pit stop in a universe that we, as humans, have no way of ever understanding. Humans think that they have come so far with technology and with understanding the universe yet we are as so far below the learning curve it’s humorous.
Our universe is made of energy. Nothing more, nothing less. The human body is no different. Religions call this energy the soul or the spirit. Religious or not we see energy at work all around us. The human body functions because of energy. When we die does the energy die with us? I do not believe that to be the case but I can not offer evidence to the contrary so I would ask that you truly look into your heart for the answer.
To all that have read this post I will tell you to not despair. The life of a human is difficult at best. The life of a sensitive human is harder still. If you have reached this site you are among the sensitive. Stay your hand and do not take yourself from this world as it is a place of learning and I promise you will have to learn again, and again if you don’t finish this test as it was meant to be. We will survive, we will endure, we will learn. This life on Earth feels like forever but it is the shortest part of our never ending journey so do yourself a favor…don’t blink.
17 comments
I just saw the beginning of your post and had to click on it, your words are so beautifully written out, something that I don’t think I could’ve ever put into words. Thank you
Thank you for reading. It felt good to get that out of my head and into words. I added a reply to your recent post. Please stay strong my friend!
To be, or not to be, that is the question. You can’t be broken if you weren’t assembled to function a certain way by someone, somewhere, for some reason. All evidence indicates that, were we so designed, the designer is a hair-brained idiot with a penchant for useless and shoddy engineering. Consider, if you will, cancer, as the amassing of cells that refuse to acknowledge apoptosis. They’re accidentally immortal! And that’s bad.
The very idea of being broken conjures up an image of emotional trauma, despair, learned helplessness, fear and pain. Things everyone experiences to one degree or another, because our psychology and physiology not only allows it, but is evolved to experience it. If you feel, or are troubled by not feeling, this is a sign that you are working correctly according to nature. If you are going to be reincarnated into a form that’s even more sensitive to these problems, then it won’t be you that experiences it. Your physical substance may become part of many beings at once, and so you will in some sense live on in them, but your spirit or soul or whatever it is that makes you, you, will not survive the process.
And we are not the energy our physical bodies expend. We are physical bodies which expend energy. Each action adds a bit more to the entropy of all things. Reading this posting has increased the entropy of my brain cells. It’s a troubling fact.
Thank you rivets! I like the thought of being a part of many beings. What are your thoughts on the afterlife? What are your thoughts on life in-general?
I don’t really have any thoughts on the afterlife yet. I figure I’ll write a review when I get there. Unless I don’t have hands or a nervous system. My thoughts on life in general, though, are that the word life is a very nebulous word that can mean any number of different things, and it has four letters. It’s all so very exhausting, too.
I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for posting.
“The average human lives in blissful ignorance to the madness and hence contributes to the fall of society.”
That some are able to eat meals while watching the insanity of man as it is played out on the unceasing onslaught of news broadcasts says something for our ability to adapt to our surroundings, crazy as they are. We are accustomed to our own stupidity.
Thanks again for this post.
Thanks for reading Once! I wish that I could somehow adapt to what I see. On the news or even in my own neighborhood it just feels like a knife in my heart when people act so insane. I have this stupid idea that I should be able to somehow save the world but I can’t even save myself.
Just curious to know if you are Aquarius?
I am, and much of your post resonates very easily with me. You don’t have to answer, just being nosey.
I feel broken, but somehow know it’s my fault. Not for the way the world was, but for the way I am in the world. I’ve become of little use. But it’s the sum total of the beauty and the horror which overwhelms me. I had a vision of the beauty of brokeness once. I guess the wabi sabi esthetic would come closest to explaining it, but not quite.
I wonder at times, why you’ve become “of little use.”
I wonder if it’s as simple as square peg, round hole, you can’t force something to be what it’s not capable of being, but you’re expected to conform, damn you, and if you can’t or won’t, then society rains down its scorn upon you until you become “of little use.”
Has society scorned me? Is is obstinate idealism or stupidity and weakness? Does it matter how or why it is broken? It is broken. Tried fixing it. Now it’s time to discard it. Maybe its what you do with the brokenness that counts.
Cancer but my father was Aquarius 🙂
A hug from far away, for you.
Not sure who the hug is for, but a hug for you, too.
It was for you.
Countdown I believe that you feel my pain and that gives me comfort. Not that you are in pain, as I wish I could take it all away, but that others get where I’m coming from in life. Thank you for reading and replying. It means a lot to me.
You remind me so much of my navy friend Manny by how you write. Very well written. N btw i have to blink, my eyes feel like a desert if i dont lol 😉