This is may be a long post so stay if you like.
I have dealt with depression for the past four years of my life, and it was real shitty. In have been in love yet remained so fucking lonely, I have failed in many endeavors, I have been a fucking disappointment, and I have been suicidal. In the past two months I have done so much for myself to feel better and holy shit do I feel great. In those two months I have stopped smoking pot so heavily (that shit does not help with depression, man) and lost over 25 pounds of healthy weight and counting (due to healthy diet and daily exercise). I have developed mental habits to sway negative thinking and reject negative events in the past affect my life today. I have overcame many fears, regrets, and feelings that came with my depression. I have to say-exercise, sleep, meditation, and Alan Watts have been a huge help. Most importantly, I was finally able to move on from the individual I have kept in my life for far too long, for the sake of my mental health. I would like to say that I shall miss her, my best friend, but I let myself become too attached; and it has proven so far to be the best decision in my life to forget about her and move on. I have become a totally different person now. I am feeling happy 100% of the time and I feel a lot more confident than I did two months ago. I no longer feel the way I used to and I know for sure this time it is for real. I am now able to see a future for myself and feel significantly ambitious. I have finally started working on building my self confidence and as a result I have finally become noticeably social. Living in the past has been a terrible habit of mine, and I have finally learned to forget about it. The past two months of self treatment has been the greatest event in my life.
Tomorrow, I will be hiking up a small mountain nearby and descend into a cave climbers usually visit. I was simply going for the sheer fun of mountain climbing, but I got very excited in my decision to bury all my old journal entries from my period of depression and bury all the letters I have ever received from my old friend, the one I fell in love with. I know I have been good so far still having them but burying these “mementos” will really finally the hatchet for me and make me really feel like a totally new person. I can finally see the positivity in life, in love, and in the present. Thank you to those that were very supportive on here. I may have never replied but your advice is very much appreciated. I really hope all of you on here can have your own “awakening” as well.
-Richard, Rich51bruhh, Greatclownpagliacio