I’ve spent close to a year alone by choice. I was tired of guy’s mind games. Then an ex from a decade ago found me and he has my heart now. Then my most recent ex who I never ever thought I would hear from again, reached out last night. He was my longest relationship ever.
What is going on?! Isn’t there a saying that after you’re with someone, that’s usually when someone from your past comes back? Well both of these guys are from my past and they both know me better than anyone in different ways, but at the same time they don’t know me at all.
They don’t know about my hospitalization about a year ago. They don’t know about the identity crisis I faced. All the drug and alcohol binges because I wanted everything to stop! I didn’t care if that meant death. I’m not as suicidal as I was, but I am still having those thoughts of “going home”. This is not my home. Those of you who have never felt like you belong here know what I’m talking about.
I let the most recent ex know that I’m seeing someone else, but it really messed with my head to hear from him again last night. Maybe I’m scared I still don’t know who I really am. It’s like when your past haunts you and you’re faced with these different people you used to be and you can no longer relate to that time in your life.
Do you feel like there are people who know you, but don’t really know you at the same time? It’s probably healthy to keep certain things from people. I have all these fragmented pieces of myself and I can’t seem to “mesh” them. I feel scattered and lost at the moment.
8 comments
Seriously dont get with your exs. Theyre an ex for a reason. Ive been in ur shoes and it blew up in my face in so many ways and i ended up alone after all of it. Exs only come back cuz they feel comfortable with u and basically will use u as a rest stop til they get the person they really want. Take 2 steps forward, not 2 steps back. Trust me u wont regret turning both of em away
This^ in a nutshell. Great advice.
Normally I would agree and even warn people “Don’t go back with the ex.”, but things happen for certain reasons.
I was off of dating sites because I encountered a sociopath I was close to getting a restraining order against. So that’s why I was completely done with meeting strangers.
Fast-forward about a year later, when the ex from a decade ago went out of his way to find me because he still loves me and never got over it. I didn’t just give in right away. It took me months of questioning his motives and even trying to push him away. He didn’t let me push him away and he said “Let me love you.”
Love is a powerful force and it has a way of prolonging someone’s life so I am not so quick to tell anyone don’t go back with an ex. You have to do what is in your heart.
He is not a total stranger from some dating site who could end up being some psycho killer. I’d rather take my chances on him. Just saying…As long as someone loves you, take a chance.
Thank you for that insight! I know for sure I will never go back to the ex who got in touch last night. Been there, done that. It was unfulfilling.
I’ve been back with the ex from a decade ago. I really do love him and I know he loves me. Incredible sex could be fogging up my brain too. haha
LOL- I wish my ex named ‘A’ came back to me. And yes, that was the most amazing sex ever too. 😛
*shrug* who defines who we are? Is it us, or others?
I’ve found that people that claim to know me are selling something. It might be a relationship, or they might want money. I don’t trust people easily, that’s my default.
On that same score, do what works for you. My ex’s never come back. EVER. I show them the door politely, and they walk away and meet the love of their lives. I tell people that dating me is probably the luckiest thing they’ll do, because statistically 15/16 are doing really well now. I’m not saying that I do a dang thing for anyone, I’m just saying I sure know how to pick someone right before things get better for them. Maybe I know how to make people follow their dreams.
I can’t really say how I would feel in your shoes though. Unsettled seems like a reasonable reaction.
My story was the same as yours, that no one ever comes back to me. That’s why I’m so surprised 2 showed up in one year. It’s insane!
So it could happen to you. Not saying I’d want anyone in my weird shoes. It all happened when I stopped looking for love. I was off of dating sites and everything. It’s confusing for sure…
You’re right about “do what works for you”. Sometimes you have to do things that are unconventional just to get by, especially to keep suicidal feelings at bay.
That makes me wonder if I should be prepping for them to come back, which is so unrealistic seeming it almost seems like something out of a book or really cheesy movie. That makes me smile, so that’s good.
I mean, it’s tempting to my ego to say “I would never take an ex back”, but that’s not universal at all. There are some of them that I pushed out of my life for very situation specific reasons. Sometimes it was career issues for example.
Regardless, I did end up falling into a relationship around the time I thought I would just make casual friends for the rest of my life. It appears that there is nothing as attractive to people who want a relationship as someone who doesn’t. In my case I had to really be sold by my partner and friends on the idea of cohabitation with a romantic partner. I’d done it once before, and didn’t like it.
The older one gets, the more experience one has and in theory that should mean better decisions. Yet I know too many older people who accept less than healthy relationships to fill the lonelyness. I wouldn’t do that. There are plenty of people in this world that will hang out with you even if you don’t kiss them. Those other desires, the romantic desires, can be filled in ways other than a relationship. That’s for me anyway. I know if I ended up totally alone again, I wouldn’t seek out a relationship. I would probably end up spending quite a bit more time exercising though, and flirting while enjoying that it doesn’t have to go anywhere.