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Made it a year

by justbecause

Well it’s a little over a year later & I’m still breathing. I don’t have any friends left. None of them could accept or understand how traumatic losing Karla was to me. They couldn’t comprehend how loosing a girlfriend felt like my life was over. I had what I thought was a best friend (Robert) who is of the viewpoint that when it comes to single people anything goes and it should just bounce off like rain drops. In the end before Robert said our friendship is over he said only married people count and married men can’t hang around with single guys.

I’ve never been the stereotypical single guy. I didn’t date to just date or as a way to get laid. No, I’m not a virgin. I was waiting for the right woman to come along. To me sex was something that a couple shared. It meant the relationship was on a higher level. Having sex/making love to me is very intimate. You are committing to that other person. To me it is the next step to marriage.

I find I’m again questioning myself as to why I should stay around. If I’m not here tomorrow to me it doesn’t matter. I know I will be at peace. I am hoping that I can make it to March 5, 2018. Why that date. That is Robert’s birthday, March 5th. Only problem with that is the 1 friend that I have left, that is the day after her birthday. The only other day I would prefer to die on is March 14th. That is Karla’s birthday and I hope she would think about it at least 1 day out of the year. Knowing her, I doubt it. If I were to do it on Robert’s birthday, he may remember my death at least once a year and hopefully remind Karla how she destroyed me.

If I were to die, I hope I could stay on earth as a spirit, so I could stay around for a while to haunt Karla & Robert.

People should know if you are going to fuck around with somebody’s life, there are consequences.You shouldn’t be allowed to use someone & fuck them over as a stepping stone to get what you want.

Robert used to say that I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her, that he didn’t think I would fall in love with her then it changed to it’s you own fault that you fell in love with her. No it’s not my own fault. It takes 2 people. What is my own fault is that I still/will always care for & about and love Karla. That is my problem alone.

Why I posted this. I don’t know. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I guess that is why. It gives me a little bit of a feeling of being able to talk with someone.


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Owsley 9/3/2017 - 11:57 pm

Killing yourself and becoming a spirit is possible. However, being able to follow and haunt them is really rare, but you might be able to reach out to them in their dreams. That’s about the best you’ll be able to do.

water 9/4/2017 - 7:22 am

Close to 5.5 years myself. I think I have brain damage (hippocampus probably shrunk but maybe there’s more).

Hopefully you are not like me because I lost something of infinite value those 5.5 years ago and everyday it eats me alive. It’s torture.

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