Dear reader,
I know this is a stupid thing to type, but I really don’t know why I am writing this in 2 am.. I just hope someone will read this ..and feel .. and understand.
I’m seriously tired of breathing this air which is taking out my oxygen and replacing it with sadness and melancholy.
It’s like I can’t talk. I can’t say what’s in my mind to someone and understand because they won’t and I feel like they will think I’m weird. I have lost all of my friends and all I have left is someone I really love,whom I can’t lose. Otherwise I’d lose myself completely. I don’t know how to expain my feelings.. sometimes I get really sad ..til I get numb. I still feel lonely ..it’s like nothing’s enough to keep me happy ..My happiness lasts like 3 seconds ans it’s over .. My anger and sadness lasts me over weeks ..I want to change. But I also want my life to end. My tongue is poison sometimes..but sometimes it’s sweet. I feel like I’m such a bad person but at the same time ..Im not. It’s better if I’m not here..I wish I could sleep and never wake up ..so that my organs will decay and so will my thoughts. So I can be numb forever. I wish I have some disease that will want me to go jump off a cliff right away .. but I’m already sick. No one notices how much I need attention and love .. I feel so lonely. My heart says I should appreciate what I’ve got .. but my mind tells me to kill my self..
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11 comments
I’m really sorry about that…is there anything I could possibly do to at least try to help..?
It helps me enough knowing that someone has read this <3 Thank you for readind and showing that you care 🙂
Hey, no problem. I don’t like it when people are sad…so…I just wanna try and help them. :3
Wow I can relate to everything you said… the moment I feel happy it’s like I get scared because I know it won’t last long.. and then the depression will come back and that’s what lasts forever… even when I’m happy I feel like I’m still depressed because I know what’s to come. I sometimes pray and wish that I’ll just be taken out of this world without having to do it myself so I don’t have to hurt the few people that love me…
I often think that too ,I can relate a lot to you..I don’t want to be selfish ..I want to die but depression just drags me down to bed even to commit murder..I try to find happiness but I fail ..Please stay strong and keep fighting ..we are all worth living somehow dear ,keep searching for happiness..Never give up!
Thank you I wish the same to you.. stay strong. We are all in this together ..
“It’s like I can’t talk. I can’t say what’s in my mind to someone and understand because they won’t and I feel like they will think I’m weird.”
This happens to me so much, to the point of utter frustration. Or I finally think of something, and by the time I’m ready to write it down, it’s gone.
I wish I knew exactly what to tell you, but, if posting here helps you cope, then please continue to post. I’m also sorry that you feel so lonely. I have a loving and close knit family, and friends, friends from elementary through high school, friends from college… and yet I feel a crippling loneliness myself, because I feel awkward talking to people about things. I feel awkward discussing my life, or my hobbies. I feel awkward because I don’t do things a “typical” person my age does here, because I’ve been told that I’ve always been a bit of a loner by my parents, etc…
Hugs.
Hey, I am exactly like you! Just that I have barely any friends. But I also feel arkward all the time when I’m with other people because of the way I behave and because of my arkward life and hobbies. I don’t do things a typical person my age does, too, and even if I wanted to, I don’t know what others actually do or how.
I want to talk about my problems but if I talked to my few friends about this, they would think I’m even more arkward than they already knew.
Yeah even me I don’t like to say what’s in my mind most of the time,so I say nothing.Not even to my mom.
Yeah it helped me a bit from writing 🙂 I like it so I’ll probably post more. I do have some friends but since I’m in a relationship I don’t actually give a shit about friends.I used to be the popular kid but I changed ,anyways I always felt depressed so.I kind of hate friendships sometimes.I’m that type of person that loves a one person’s company who is worth being with. I do feel lonely most of the time because I’m almost always alone at home so yeah I have to go out otherwise I’d feel so bad. So yeah writing definitely helps since I don’t speak much about what I’m feeling. Thankyou for reading and understanding! Much appreciated 🙂 Hope you have a great day <3
I’m really sorry to hear this. I have been there too. Just lying on my bed for days without talking to anyone and wishing I were dead. If you want to talk, my email is bjacsalt47@gmail.com. I am lonely too.