Sorry about this rant

September 16th, 2017by Black_Heart2001

I used to want to die. No, not die. I wanted to stop existing and suicide seemed like the only option for me. It’s gotten better since then. I don’t think of killing myself anymore. I sometimes want to hurt myself when life get dark but I never do it. I don’t let myself do it. But here’s my problem, and it’ s more about me being pathetic than anything else. Please tell me what to do.

I have a boyfriend now. He’s honestly great. He’s the best guy I’ve ever known and he really loves me. I don’t doubt that and I never have. I think i love him too, but I’m not sure. What does love fee like? What does it mean to love someone? Is there a checklist of requirements? Because I don’t know if what I’m feeling is love.

And while I love him and completely trust him, there’s this issue. Because we’re in a long distance relationship, whenever he goes out with friends – regardless of whether its for birthdays, night outs, parties – I get anxious. I know he would never do anything to betray my trust but I still feel BAD. It’s partly worry, partly anxiety. I don’t know what I worry about. Maybe its insecurity and wanting him to devote more time to me. Maybe its just annoyance that he’s going out and I’m staying home to study or work. Maybe it’s jealousy – jealousy towards all the girls that are partying out there with him. I don’t know. But its a nagging feeling and it doesn’t go away and it’s driving me crazy because I don’t know what’s causing it. Because while I know that he won’t willingly do anything bad, I can’t stop worrying about external factors and alcohol. Has anyone gone through this before? Do you guys have any advice?

Processing your request, Please wait....