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by Dungeon

I can’t stand reading most of the posts here.
Then again it’s almost been 3 years since I first started using this site. I’ve hopped on and off when it gets easier, and when I can’t ignore it.
In my opinion if you try to kill yourself multiple times and don’t succeed it’s not because of the method.
I have one attempt and only by some ridiculous chance/luck/divinity whatever is the only reason I didn’t actually die. I genuinely believe I died that day, wether it was for second or a minute or maybe I didn’t. But that feeling of when I woke up, that stale feeling of nothingness, i simply just sat there in a pool of blood and vomit in a tub and my vision was so blurred I could barely make out shapes. And I sat there as the window faced me, watching it turn to day, watching the world I tried so desperately to run from begin to awake. Hours. No one was home, just myself but even I wasnt there anymore.
The next days we’re just emptiness, i kept questioning myself why I was cleaning my clothes why I didn’t try again. I never found an answer. But I realised if my loved ones saw how I was , sitting in that tub dead covered in my guilt- I could never do that to them. But it’s been a few years and I’m starting to become ignorant to those thoughts again- I am going to end it. I feel it, the cold air, I just want to go home wherever that is.
If you truly want to die
If you truly know what death is to you
Who it is
Where it will be
Then you’ll understand what this post is for
Because in the end
They’re just words
And nothing in this world is more meaningless than words

1 comment

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1 comment

iwouldrathernot 9/11/2017 - 5:51 am

Words are not meaningless to me, they are an imperfect way of communication. We have all these thoughts and truths to ourselves, that we never be able to make others fully understand.

To me your story was terrifying. I do understand your feelings though.

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