Today’s not so bad.

September 17th, 2017by LordsWrath

I always post when I’m having a bad day or going through bad times. Today, I’m posting because my outlook today, this morning as its only 11.30am, isn’t so bad. This could change later on in the day. Right now, I don’t feel horribly depressed. Suicide has only entered my head a couple of times this morning. Also the black cloud that surrounds my mind feels less dense today. The void inside me feels smaller and less consuming and hurts less. I don’t hate myself today. There is some love from me towards myself. I’m calm and at peace with the fact that no one else will love me. Ever. But today it’s OK, because I’m not drowning in that pain like I usually do. To go through life being unloved by oneself and by anyone else isn’t bothering me that much today. Today, I have a some respect for myself and little love as well. I’m coping OK with the fact that I’ll be alone for rest of my life. Any other day would this would have me making plans and fantasising about an exit plan. Today the world has enough distractions to occupy me with. Also the black cloud that surrounds my mind feels less dense today. Oh the black cloud. The black cloud that rules over my life. That stops me from being social, making friends, being positive and optimistic, that has me thinking irrationally, paranoia, schizophrenia, blaming my self for everything, hating the world, provides hopelessness, always making me angry, etc. Some of you here express and describe this black cloud so much better than me. I hope today is the start to recovery of getting better.

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