Welcome if you’re reading this, I am about to open up to you as I have never done with anyone else in my life before. Oh firstly, I would like to say that today (Oct 16th) is my birthday :)..
Well I am now in my 20’s and have lived my entire life with a very abusive father. Let me paint this picture for you. I know this wasn’t the first, but I was 8.. One evening my cousins and I were preparing for bed, one of my cousins being funny, sun his belt over his head and was dancing. Next moment the belt had slipped from his and flew into my face buckle first, just as most 8 year olds, I cried and when my dad walked into the room and found me in tears… He very quickly got mad and without hesitation or intention to ask what happened, he made his way towards me, grabbed my by my ears and lifted me off the ground, shouting at me, words I can’t remember right now. When he let go of my ears, he with all his might swung his palm to my face and I collapsed.
This was not the first, but it is my my “fondest” memory of my father. Many years passed and his aggression towards me never eased up or stopped. Though it isn’t my story to tell, my mother was not treated any different, she too went through the horrors I did and more.. She for some reason stuck around and still with him..
For a long time I’ve considered suicide as a way out if all this shit, but always convinced myself that I would grow old and find my a way out of this house. I write this, sitting in the same house as the man that has made my life up until now a living hell.. He’s got so much control and power over my emotions he needs not lay a hand on me anymore, if frustrates me and I contemplate killing myself all over again..
Now all i want is to find an ideal job and I will be out this hell hole.. This is proving to be harder than I could have ever imagined.. I was never able to be alone by myself or in a quite place without depressing myself with thoughts of my situations in life, that made studying difficult and I don’t have an education out of high school.. I have experience in the work that I do and hope that will get me out of this place.. I have set a time limit for myself… If I fail at it, i don’t think I can ever live like this anymore…
8 comments
Your father needs to be beaten to within an inch of his life.
I wish :).. Well either that or things work out..
I’m really sorry your father did that to you and your mother. I’m rooting for you. This life is so random. I don’t think I’m gonna make it out, but you’re one of those people that I hope will. Good luck.
The uncertainties really drive me crazy.. I hate this life to be honest, but live it for the tiny things that feel good..I really hope you make it too, would be awesome for all those that deserve to make it, actually do.
How old are you?
Just turned 20..
pls dont do anything, it will get better, msg me if u wanna talk
I will keep that in mind when I really nee someone to talk to :). Thank you so much <3